Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My Journey to a heathier ME!


As of now, we are NOT trying to get pregnant. I have decided to take charge of my weight loss battle and take care of ME for once. I have been in a fog since my first miscarriage and wanting so much to have another one that I let myself go. I didn't take good care of me.. didn't exercise much and put on weight during the holidays. I decided on Jan. 15, 2010 to join Nutrisystem. I using their method of portion control and glycemic index control. I followed their online plan and listed the foods and lost my first 2.2 lbs. before the meals arrived. I started the NS meals on Jan.27th, exactly 28 days from today(Feb. 23rd). I am down a total of 12.6lbs and am loving the new me!

What changes have I made one my ask? I am eating 5 to 6 vegetables a day plus 3 servings of fruit! I have never eating that many and found it hard just eating 4 servings total before. I now eat the vegetables before the meal and am feeling so satisfied through out the day. I still have days that I crave certain foods or just feel hungrier. On those days I drink a flavorful drink mix with fiber that tastes just like lemonade and/or tea. I didn't like them at first but noticed I had to pour hot water to dissolve the crystals. I also will eat another vegetable, drink tea, or exercise to get over any cravings and that seems to work. I am also more conscious of what foods my family eats and needs. I am making different vegetable dishes and keeping them interesting.

Where am I feeling a difference in my weight? After the first 10lbs I began feeling lighter in my breasts, waist, face, hips, and fingers. My daughter is noticing a change and will tell me so. My husband is seeing a change and will share that with me also. As the weight comes off I am looking forward to wearing some of my clothes I stopped wearing before this last pregnancy.

Since I bought the Wii and Wii fit plus I have incorporated exercise and more strength training into my work out. It is fun and I look forward to exercising instead of pushing myself! I have a long journey to go but am excited and motived once again! I hope to post more on my journey every couple weeks. Have a Blessed month of March!

My Journey through tough times..miscarriage...My 3 Angels in Heaven :(





Nov. 4th, 2009 Hi I am playing the waiting game. My LMP was Sept. 5, 2009 making me 8.4 wks (Nov.4th, 2009) today according to the estimated due date wheel I used to carry when I worked in the OB/Gyn field back in 2003. I suspected I was pregnant after not getting my usual migraines right before my menses. My menses usually run every 26 days. On day 28 I had a positive pregnancy test. I was in awe of myself since my husband and I weren't trying this last month due to me having the flu and symptoms lasting almost 2 wks. We were together maybe 1 day before the flu symptoms and 1 day while I was recovering and felt a little better. I now wish I would have put those days on the calendar but didn't. I also didn't feel that I ovulated but probably cause I was talking Tylenol for joint pain and fever. Anyhow, I went for my OB appt. Oct. 26 and all went well. I then came back for my USD, according to my LMP I should have been 7.4wks. My oldest daughter (age 21) came with me. The Tech asked 3 times if I was sure on my date of the LMP and I said yes. We saw a gestational and yolk sac but not fetal pole or HB. She said the sack measured me at being only 6wks. She didn't say anything else and said to come back in a week. We did draw HCG levels. Oct. 26 they were 18,747 and on Oct. 27th they were 16,000. Nothing was said about a possible loss or M/C but I knew that levels falling was not a good sign. It is possible that I was dehydrated after crying myself sick the whole two days of waiting to do another HCG. The nurse mentioned to continue the Progesterone which I started the day I test UPT positive. She also said to have pelvic rest till next wk USD. It was hard looking at an empty sack but I kept myself from crying until the drive home. For 2 days I lost it! Prayed, cried, grieved.. I was a mess. I searched online and ran into this site(www.misdiagnosed miscarriage.com). After reading the stories I decided to wait 2 wks before getting another USD. I am now waiting. Nothing new has happened...no bleeding, still having off and on nausea, breast tenderness, tingling sensation in breast, aversion to some foods, sense of smell increasing, constipation even though I am NOT taking a vitamin with iron. My headaches were finally every 4 to 6 days and better the 3rd wk while taking 200mg Progesterone.

Now for my previous history... My first pregnancy back in July of 1988 went beautifully.. although I was very sick and lost weight but then gain a ton towards the end. I was also only 20. My second pregnancy was July of 2003. I was 35 and started having problems at 28wks. I ended up with HELLP and sick for 2 wks in and out of ICU. My miracle baby was only 2.8oz and hanging in..she was in the NICU for almost 2 months. She came home only weighing 4.11oz, breastfeeding well and breathing on her own! Thank you Jesus! At my 6 wks check up I decided to have an IUD in place because I was terrified to have another child. Not until Sept. 2006 did I get the courage from God to try again. I had it removed and got pregnant 9 months later + upt on June 25th, 2007(now age 39) I was almost 7 wks when I started spotting brown and that was it. At 8 wks (July 30th.. I was still spotting and went in for my USD and there was the fetus but no HB I cried instantly and left there a mess. I didn't tell my husband till he came home the next day. We went in once again for another USD(July 31st) in radiology and they said the same. My doctor told me my options. I sure wish I found the miss diagnosed miscarriage site back then.. I may have held on for another couple wks before using a pill to help pass the little one. I passed the little one Aug. 1st. I passed a huge clot and what looked like dark areas on both side of a small grey mass. We collected it and brought it to the doctor. She said that is was probably a chromosomal abnormality and that she didn't think we needed to test it. I now wish we would have. It took a long time to grieve for this little one in heaven. In Dec. 2007, I tested positive again and then started bleeding really heavy on Dec. 17 which would have made me only 4.5 wks along. I didn't go to the doc.. but did call to let them know what happened. I never had a D&C and just let them pass naturally. So that is my story.

Here I am age 41, maybe 8.3 wks according to LMP or 7wks according to the USD and nothing has happened yet. I reschedule my USD for this coming Mon. Nov. 9 at 1:30CST. I keep reading, and praying for a Miracle. I am hopeful after reading others with the same drop in HCG levels and USD showing nothing but two sacs and then they find a HB!!! I know what ever happens will be Gods plan and is out of my control! I pray for a good outcome for all in the same waiting game. God Bless for reading this to the end. Tiff. Nicole

Nov. 10th, 2009 I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. After waiting another 13 days to give the little one time to grow and be seen on an USD, I am now home waiting to miscarry. We had a second USD today and it showed some growth, a fetal pole, no HB. The doc said they think that the little one stopped growing at 6.4 wks. I did see a little more of something in the sac but nothing recognizable like my last M/C at 8 wks. I was supposed to be 9.1 wks from the LMP. We are very sad, well I am mostly..my husband has a hard time showing his emotions when it comes to m/c. I am home waiting for bleeding to happen and nothing so far. I still have all the same pregnancy symptoms but less nausea than before. That makes all this even harder. I know in time the HCG hormone will fall and I will be back to feeling normal soon. I am sorry I didn't have better news, but wanted to at least give anyone following my story an ending. I appreciated all those that left us their happy or sad ending and didn't leave us hanging, wondering what really happened. This site really kept me going, hearing all the beautiful outcomes of what could have been another failed pregnancy or sad story. Thank You for having this site.. It has been a blessing for me through this tough time. God Bless those still waiting it out.. keep hope up and know God has a plan for all of us no matter what the outcome!

I wrote this Tue. Nov.11 CST..
I am still at home waiting for something to happen. I still feel very pregnant. I still use the bathroom 2 of 3 times during the night, still have very full and tender breasts, still have the bloated feeling , aversion to food, occa. nausea, and keen sense of smell. I am still getting constipated even though not taking iron pills. I have been headache free for over a month now which is very unusual for me. That was one of my first signs that made me think I was pregnant. I didn't have my usual hormonal migraine headaches a few days before my menses was due. The headaches only got worse when I tested positive and started taking 200mg of progesterone. After a month on the progesterone the head aches went from daily, to every few days to once a wk to nothing! This also makes me wonder if I was on a high enough dose of progesterone. This is the first pregnancy that I tried using progesterone but the doc didn't test my levels till I think it was too late.. and had to request getting them tested. They were 14 and lower than the doc would have liked them to be. I have been off progesterone since after Monday's USD. There is this nagging sense that I need to get back on them but not sure if that is just me hoping all will turn out to be a mistake on the USD and tests. I am praying for closure to happen soon.

ON Wed. Nov. 11th...
I am concerned cause I never bleed through out this whole ordeal and am still waiting. I woke up again this morning with very heavy breast again, and am still waking up to use the bathroom 2 or more times a night. I still have the keen sense of smell I developed with this pregnancy and aversion to some foods I used to like. I go to bed each night feeling so very bloated and feeling very pregnant. I also keep praying all will be revealed, whether I am going to bleed and pass the little one or maybe there is some hope that all is ok. I just don't know. I almost forgot to mention that the nagging feeling I had about not taking progesterone overcame me so after two days I started back on them again. I am standing strong and trying to wait it out. I know what I saw in the USD and it was more than the first one. The doc. mentioned the USD tech saw a fetal pole but still no HP. I still think I am not as far along as they think! God can make things possible. I took progesterone after my second m/c. I still think I needed a higher dose and my doc should have been testing me every few days to see how high my levels were. I will learn from this pregnancy and be even more proactive during the next.

This is what I wrote Thur. Nov. 12th and Fri. 13th...I just realized I should be posting what I am going through on this post instead of all different ones. I am seeing some very little spotting now and having occas. very quick sharp pains right above pubic bone area(sorry). They started yesterday evening. I also had bad nausea around 4:30 yesterday and some on Friday. I had my first headache this morning that lasted till 12 when I took one Excedrin migraine. If nothing more happens this weekend I will see about another USD next week. Smells are still bothering me and can't eat some foods like chicken right now. My husband had to leave the room to finish his roasted chicken and cheese sandwich last night..thought I was going to puke smelling it. Anyhow, try to have a weekend of closure!

Today Friday Nov. 13th the pain only happened a couple times and feels more like pulling now. I had some brown on my pad. I still feel very bloated.. can't say that enough.

Saturday Nov. 14th... Nothing new really..still some spotting and mostly when I wipe. I have some red when I wipe only. I have had nausea at 11 am off and on and still have all the same pregnancy symptoms mentioned previously. I also had really bad heartburn two times this weekend. I didn't eat anything different than the usual. My stomach feels so bloated still and the pulling around my abdom. and upper sides are felt more often through out the day. I read today on another site where a lady was 9.5 wks but the USD only measured her 6.5 wks and she bled for 30 days with clots. Her baby is doing great! That gives me even more hope that my days and wks are off also. This is why I am waiting it out. I will not be tempted to take those pills like last time! I haven't spoken with my OB doc since Mon. Nov. 9th.. she probably thinks I took the pills. I plan to find another doctor to see what is going on inside but may continue to wait another week unless I start clotting. This hasn't been easy by any means but I am holding on strong that God will reveal
soon what is going to happen either way! To those waiting also, please hold on as much as possible. I finally read every story on this site today about the misdiagnosed M/C and am feeling very hopeful some of us will have a real positive story to tell also! God Bless!

Sunday Nov.15th 8:30 pm CST...Hi Jodieblas.. My LMP was Sept 5th so we aren't too far apart in this waiting game. I am still holding on even though the odds are so against me. Only time will tell and I am willing to wait as long as possible. I hope you get closure soon but trust your body and intuition and do what is right for you. I may be holding on for HOPE but as long as I can handle it I will continue to wait. I will keep you posted.

Mon. Nov. 16....I remember having an achy belly like bad gas pains at the end of the month of Sept. before I found out I was prego. I was subbing at my daughters school. It made me so very bloated. I also had a bad flu right before getting pregnant and was still recovering. I didn't take anything but Excedrin pm to sleep. I did have 3 days of high temps. but am certain I hadn't ovulated then. Nothing new to report. Have been very emotional today and very tired. I slept 6 hours last night and then slept 2 hours 12noon to 2pm. Keep holding on to hope!

Tues. Nov. 17th 6:08pm. I have had some right side pain today that felt like ovulation pain. It lasted all morning till about 1pm. I am having more of a lite menses now and very tiny clots. I took a shower and tried to shave but stomach was more in the way then usual. I know it wasn't my imagination so I decided to call the doc to ask if she can see me one more time to see if I am dilated or get another USD to see what is happening. The nurse calls me back asking when I took the cytotec. I told her I didn't and mentioned I wanted it to pass naturally. She then said " you need to take it!". I then asked again if I could just come in to have the doc look at me one more time. Do you know she left me on hold for a while and then gets on the phone saying "you either need to take the cytotec, come in for a D&C or pass it naturally. I told her "you guys are no help"! and I hung up on the nurse...I know the doc was right there waiting to hear what I would say. I used to work in an Ob/Gyn field and never treated a patient like that. Anyhow, I was very upset and just cried. I told my husband and he was ready to tell the doctor off. I told him if the phone rang and it was the doctor not to answer it. Sure enough a few minutes later she calls on my cell and leaves a message. This was her message, "hi Tiffany I am returning your call and then hangs up the phone hard"..well it sounded hard to me. I just checked to hear the message again and there was another message which is weird cause I never heard the phone ring. She then called the home phone but our answering machine wasn't on. Anyhow, she wants me to call her back but I just can't now after what she told the nurse to tell me. I am just going to wait as I had planned before. Guess I need some encouragement as my hope it fading. Thanks for reading. My whacked out hormones doesn't help with this whole process as I know you guys can relate! I felt in my heart a while back that I needed to find another doctor but didn't. I won't be going back to her. What ever happens I will seek someone else with more compassion.

Wed. Nov 18th, 2009 5:03pm cst
I am having bright red bleeding now and more of it as of this afternoon. As soon as I stand up it comes out. I was very weak last night and my pain in the left arm, wrist, elbow increasingly got worse. I realized it was carpal tunnel syndrome. I never had it with any other pregnancies but have read that is what can happen with the increase in blood production and fluid retention. Since I haven't officially pass the little one, going on 10.3 wks, I am surprised I would have this problem so early on. Anyhow, it is worse at night. I have some on my right wrist but tolerable. The last time I had this was right before I went into hospital for a second time kidney stone obstruction and they found out I had ITP.(1998) I don't remember retaining fluid at the time but did work with 2 1/2-3 year olds. Well, the doc I was seeing had called me 3 times yesterday and left me two messages as stated earlier. She called me once today and left me a message saying "I will be leaving early today but will be back in the office tomorrow if you need anything". Guess she is feeling bad for not having me come in as I requested. She is prego herself and due in December. I rather not go back to that office. I don't hate her.. it was hard making that call and asking to been seen again as it is.. I felt humiliated that all they wanted me to do was "take that Pill".. even after I told her I was waiting it out. I know I need to forgive her but that doesn't mean I need to go back and see her. Thanks for hearing me out. I pray everyone gets to see their little bean soon! The waiting has been tough but hearing what everyone is going through has helped me get through all this. Have a blessed rest of the week!

Thurs. Nov. 19 3:32 pm
I am not feeling too well, mostly weak and had a second headache since I was sent home to m/C. It was pretty bad but relieved with tylenol. I have had occas. rapid pulse and flushing of the face that makes me check to see if my temp was up but it was ok. I am very bloated and still having off and on right side pain. I slept sitting up so I bled through my clothes last night. I am having heavier bleeding and very few tiny clots but not enough to consult a doc yet. I feel like my body is retaining fluid. I see it in my legs, hips, stomach and thighs and on the scale. I haven't done any exercise and my appetite has increased so am trying to watch that better since I am already a full figured woman. Well, that is my update.. How are you fab-mom?

Friday Nov. 20th The bleeding was much worse. Very bright red and just pouring out, but no clots. I was soaking a pad every 2 hrs. Still no cramping just some pressure, bloating, lightheaded and occas. fast pulse.

Sat. Nov. 21st. Woke up at 4am with even heavier bleeding and decided to call the on-call nurse. Given my history of ITP and HELLP, she suggested I go to the ER. I went to the nearest hospital that is more of an assessment center than an ER for Women. They admitted me for observation took labs and did a thorough ultrasound on a 7 mhz machine. The USD showed a smaller sac of 5w 4d and the fetal pole meas. 5w 5d. I was wheeled back to my room to wait for all the results. The place was so quiet. Everyone there was so nice. I didn't have to wait when I got there like the usual ER. The lady that drew the blood just had her first M/C at 32 and is afraid to try again herself. I gave her this web site. I checked in at 6:45 and started having pressure on my bladder. I was going every half hour. The five hours I was there I used the bathroom 12 times or more. Anyhow, the bleeding slowed down 2 hours into the visit so I pretty much was ready to leave. Finally around 9:30 a doc came into the room with the results. She said all the blood work was fine. My HCG levels were under 3000. The USD showed that the sac implanted in the anterior wall of my uterus and was stuck on my cesarean section scar. I had a vertical cut from pubic to belly button on the outside in 2003 but not sure how they cut me inside. Anyhow, the lady said the sac was basically defying gravity and just hanging there which is why I was having the abnormally heavy bleeding. I still hadn't had any clots. She mentioned this would not have been a good pregnancy since my risk of uterine rupture would have been very high given where the sac implanted. I had a sigh of relief as I had gone so many days wondering why it was taking me so long to miscarry. I still had hope on those days but it was very hard dealing with my emotions and feeling like I was still prego. The doc recommended taking the cytotec because there it a huge risk of bleeding out with a D&C and higher risk of having MORE scar tissue. I told her I would never have a D&C anyways. It is such a blind procedure and many are having a hard time staying prego because of the scarred up tissue from that procedure even after having it only once. I had the pill inserted vaginally and had to stay for another half hour per doc orders. After a half hour I was ready to burst and went to pee and out came a HUGE(first clot) and the pill down the toilet. I grabbed gloves and scooped it out of the toilet because I wasn't sure what it was.. looked like liver with some gray colored tissue. I had to wait another hour before they decided to give me another 3 pills orally and told me to go in first thing Monday to get another USD to see if there is any progress. I was in more pain leaving then going in but managed to drive to CVS to get my pain meds etc. While home I passed so many large clots and saved them. I was having back pain, and tons of pressure in my lower abdomen. I never really had the cramps. I have had daily headaches that linger all day long.

Sunday Nov. 22 I woke up feeling much better. The pressure was gone. I did notice I tired very easily and still bleed quite a bit. I thought I was done passing clots but then passed more in the afternoon. I am relieved that this is finally a closure for me and know God was looking out for me and this pregnancy. He knew given where the sac implanted, I was not going to have a good outcome. I knew something wasn't right which is why I TRIED to see my doc earlier as you read before. I am getting off here to call the doc for an USD appt. and drop off the samples for testing. Does anyone know how much that test cost? I will update when I get back. I pray all is out and I can have a pleasant Thanksgiving. Thanks for reading.

Mon. Nov. 23. 9pm CST
Well, we did another USD and the sac is still there. It didn't even shrink after losing all that blood and clots. They didn't really tell me what to do next. It was not a good visit to say the least. I was supposed to see a doc because I had some questions. The USD tech was so nice. She kept going out to ask the doc the questions but what gets me is it took an arm and a leg for him to finally come in the USD room to answer them. My doc knew we were going to collect the tissue I passed to get them tested. That is what I did for my first miscarriage but we decided not to since it was our first. Now it is our third and I spent two days collecting everything and was told by this other doc that they couldn't use the tissue I collected. He said the only way was to do a D&C and collect the tissue then. I never heard of such a thing and then began to question why my doc didn't tell me this. It wasn't easy collecting and seeing all the stuff coming out whether or not it was tissue or just blood clots...and now I did it for nothing. The doc at the ER on Saturday told me it would be too risky to do a D&C because of where the sac was attached and now the docs I usually see say go ahead and do it! I was so confused. I think they just want everyone under the knife! I broke down in tears of anger and humility in the USD room. They wanted me to come back tomorrow to see my doc and I said why. She can't help me and I was too upset to even see her. I asked if they could refer me to see a specialist. They set me up to see a Maternal-Fetal medicine/High Risk Ob doc. for Dec. 3rd. I have exhausted myself to say the least and praying I can get back to better health soon. I was hoping to pass everything before Thanksgiving since I will be away from home. I just don't know what to do other than taking more pills to help it pass again. I will be very surprised if the doc calls back with instructions before Thanksgiving. I am just left in limbo once again! If the little one stopped growing at 6wk 4 days, then it has been 5wk 2 days and it hasn't passed yet. I need to get off and sleep. Thanks for reading.

Tues. Nov.24th
It was almost 2pm and no calls from the doc. I decided to call to ask what to do next. They said to go ahead and try a second round of cytotec. I took it at 3:00 and was sick the rest of the day. The bleeding is like a lite menses and now pure water coming out the other end.(sorry). Apparently it is a side effect but this didn't happen to me Saturday when I took the pills...strange. It also said this usually happens a wk after taking those pills and that it can last a week. Ok this isn't what I needed the day before Thanksgiving. Now I am trying to decide if I should stay home or go to Thanksgiving an hour away. I just don't know what to do. I hate canceling yet another Thanksgiving get-together. Last year I was sick also. I don't think my stomach will tolerate rich food right now.

Wed. Nov. 25th Thanks Fab-mom for your reply. They wouldn't take my samples so now just waiting to pass more. Bleeding has slowed down this morning which seems weird after taking 4 more pills yesterday. I didn't pass anything since last Sunday. I am so tired. I kept having the chills and then I was hot but no fever last night. I am just puzzled at what to do other than get a D&C. Will just have to see how the day goes. Hope everyone has a Blessed Thanksgiving.

Mon. Dec. 07, 2009: 9:50 am CST:
Thanks so much for your message NY girl. I haven't posted in a while. I tried 3 times to pass everything at home but according to 3 USD later the sac is still there and hasn't decreased in size or deflated... I have to get the dreaded D&C this Thurs. Dec. 10th. I so was trying to avoid this but my body had other plans. I have been OK emotionally but still have my days of sadness. I also had to put my 17yr. old Himalayan cat to sleep (Dec. 4th) and it still breaks my heart. She got sick with an URI along with 2 of my 4 cats and then stopped eating. I was forcing fluids and syringe filled food on her but she began to sound like she was in pain. I miss her so and still hear her cries.. I thought she was going to pass away on her own but that wasn't in the plan. Hope everyone had a Blessed Thanksgiving. I stayed home after taking my second dose of cytotec and nothing happened but horrible symptoms that kept me home! My daughter went to two Thanksgiving celebrations so she didn't have to miss out. My husband took her to one of them before being called out to work. We have our tree up thanks to my oldest daughter. I put up our outdoor Christmas light last night just before the rain started. We had some snow here in Louisiana Friday Dec. 4th at around 9:30 pm.. We took pics and watched it fall. We woke up to a nice blanket of snow but it didn't last long. I pray everyone has a Blessed Christmas holiday. I will post more about the dreaded surgery later. Be Blessed.

Saturday December 12, 7:54 pm CST
I am going on my 2nd day of severe muscle and joint pain after the D&C. I read that it is caused by a muscle relaxer given during anesthesia through the tube. I called the on call doc and he seems to think it isn't related to the procedure. He is so far off, I wished I hadn't even called. He was no help what so ever! I know what I am having in real and it is very painful.. more painful than when you have the muscle pains when you have the flu or strep or even bronchitis. I hurt when I swallow, cough, talk, clear my throat, bend over or even just walk to check my mailbox. I feel like I went through a heavy work out with weights and feeling the pain after but 10 times worse. The pain meds they gave me didn't help and after one pill made me jittery and couldn't sleep. It also constipated me to no end! I so wanted to avoid having surgery and just don't understand why it has affected me this way. I hope to get answers or at least confirm what meds they gave me that caused this to happen. The pain started 18 hours after I came home from the hospital. The paper work did say the anesthesia takes about 24 hours to leave your system entirely. As it did the pain become intense but only in my muscles and joints. I don't have any pains in my abdomen or uterus... just sore muscles in my abs when I get up from lying down in bed. Sure would like to know if anyone else has had this happen to them. I was very emotional after the procedure after realizing how bad I felt coming out of the anesthesia. What physical pain we go through to rid out body of the left over tissue that would not let go! It just hit me hard. I can't go through this procedure again! It is worse than waiting at home to pass. At least I wasn't in physical pain..just emotional. Sorry for the random thoughts.. just want relief. I know in time this will also get better.. it has to! I feel like my body is being attacked with a vengeance! Pray for relief soon! Hope everyone who had this procedure had a better outcome. God Bless.

I went for my 4 wk(actually was 6wks)check up after the D&C. The doc didn't do anything other than ask me some questions. I was concerned about not having started my menses. She mentioned it can take up to 6 mos to see a normal flow after a D&C. I finally started Feb. 3rd, 2010 I was having very sharp pains in my lower abdominal and didn't get much relief unless I sat with a heating pad and took liquid ibuprofen. I don't get painful periods at all so it was unusual for me. I started two days after and realized it was menstrual cramps but very painful ones. The flow was unusually heavy for me also but I was relieved to be somewhat back to normal.