Reminiscing

My husband Ryan and I have been knowning one another almost 6 years now. He is from Long Island, New York. He moved to Louisiana almost 12 years ago to live with his Grandma Norma. She lived in Abbeville, Louisiana. We met online Nov. 2001 on kiss.com and met in person February 23, 2002. I found out this Christmas that through Jesus, Ryan's grandmother(unknowingly) made it possible for Ryan and I to meet in person. While Ryan's mom and her husband Richard were visiting from out of state, Grandma Norma asked if everyone wanted to go for a ride and visit the small town of Natchitoches, Louisiana. I was living there with my daughter Evanna almost 3 years. Ryan then mentioned he knew someone from Natchitoches and would like to see if she wanted to meet. My mom was in town for my birthday(Feb. 21st). I got the call and we made plans to meet down town by front street. I don't remember all that went on that day only that I was recovering from a sore throat and upper respiratory infection. I remember being slightly nervous while my mother and I drove to front street. I wouldn't recommend meeting anyone in person with out someone there as a look out. Anyhow, I walked along the water where the ducks were gathering. I tried not to look too anxious. Along came a good looking, dark haired guy wearing a blue jean jacket. I wasn't sure it was him until he came closer. We said hello and exchanged hugs.( at least I think we did). He mentioned his family was at a restaurant nearby. My mom and I walked to the front street restaurant. I can't remember the name of the restaurant. Ryan's family was all gathered around sipping coffee and eating treats. They welcomed us to the table and introduced themselves. I had the privilege of meeting Ryan's mom and her husband, and his grandma. We talked for a while then went walking around to the nearby shops. Ryan and I didn't get to talk much that day. We did meet up again and started seeing one another from then on.

In the five and a half years we have know each other, we have been through a life time of challenges. God has and continues to work wonders on our relationship. We grow stronger in our faith, love, and communication each and every time we are together. I pray one day Ryan will work closer to home and that we will remarry in a church and have the honeymoon we never had.

Ryan has been working offshore as a Mud Logger since Emily was born in 2003. He can be gone as long as 3 months. This hasn't been easy on either one of us. We talk everyday either on the phone or using yahoo instant messenger. As Emily gets older she also seems to miss her daddy very much while he is away. Emily looks forward to welcoming daddy home and almost immediately craves his attention.

We are once again trying for another little one. I will be 40 next year and am ready to have one more child. I wasn't ready mentally or physically a year ago and may not really be ready physically. Emily's delivery left me with a vertical scar on my uterus that will make it impossible or unsafe to go into labor. I had so many complications before and especially after the delivery that I know God was looking out for me. I had HELLP syndrome, high sugar, high blood pressure and my kidneys were working overtime. I was in the hospital 2weeks fighting for my life while Emily was in the NICU almost two month fighting to survive her prematurity. This was the reason why I waited this long to try and conceiving again. I have talked to Emily about having another brother or sister. She seems to think we will have a boy cause she asks me when her brother will be here. I pray this time next year we will have a small bundle of joy in our arms once again. I pray for an uncomplicated pregnancy, delivery and recovery!... in Jesus name Amen.

Ryan and I turned in our 6 month rental agreement and have started the long and drawn out process of searching for a home to buy. I did the pre-qualifying mortgage over the phone and now have an idea what kind of house we can afford. If there are any of you out there that have advice on home buying please send me an e-mail or post. We can use all the help. With Ryan away at work, I am going at this alone... with Gods' guidance. I will close for now. Continue to have a Blessed week! Tiffany Nicole

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement gives you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

( Romans 15:5 ).

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ( Romans 15:13 )

Never give up...Seek Jesus First!

Here I am up very late once again. I am over tired and excited at the same time. I want to correct my first blog concerning my youngest daughters birthweight. Emily was 2lbs 8oz at birth and 4lbs 11oz when we took her home. She is fun, loving, singing all the time and a real blessing to be around.

Evanna was also my little blessing 18 years ago and will always be. I do regret that I wasn't a stay-at-home mom while she grew up. I chose the childcare field so I could have Evanna nearby. This worked out best for the both of us once I became a single mom.

Evanna is going to college and working part time. She is an extremely talented artist. She has been attending a Catholic church for over a year now. I felt blessed to see her get Baptized last weekend. That was a big step for her! She looked so peaceful up there in front of everyone. I haven't felt that much joy for her since her high school graduation. Ok, getting teary eyed once again. I want to share a verse I found in 1Peter 8-9 that I wrote in my daughter Baptism card.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.(1Peter 8-9)

This verse came to me as I was flipping through the Bible trying to find an inspiring message. I gave Evanna a few other verses I found inspiring and printed out the pictures shown above and gave them to her.

I think back now and realizing how selfish I was about not sharing Our Father with Evanna. I always kept it a personal thing. I always prayed and talk to God as I raised Evanna but I prayed in silence, at the end of the day, or after having a power struggle with her. I can still remember my prayers. I would usually say the usual prayer followed by my tearful prayers.. Thank you God for this day...please keep my daughter and I free from illness... watch over Evanna as she grows up, let her stay healthy and strong.. Jesus Name AMEN. Then there were those days that I prayed for strength and patience while trying to raise Evanna on my own. I would pray, cry and beg God to ...Please help me to be a better mother, please help me to have patience... Please show me a better way to make her listen and understand, Jesus please let us have a better day tomorrow, forgive me for being so quick to punish, forgive me for not having the patience I so desperately needed today... Lord Jesus why do I feel so guilty spanking or putting her in time out, Why does Evanna have to be so stubborn etc... I still remember those struggles I had raising Evanna but now realize that I was the reason for the struggles. I was struggling with Evanna because I wasn't really trusting in the Lord. I truly wasn't leaning on Him to show me that I needed to be consistent with disciplining her, that I was wishy washy....that I was not very understanding or loving all the time.... that I was selfish... that I gave in.. that I gave up too soon... that I rejected her at times... that I didn't show her attention and affection when she needed it so badly....that I would shower her with gifts thinking that would show her how much I love her.... that I only made ME feel better not her.... that I was afraid to be too tough on her... that I wanted her to love me... that I didn't want her to reject me.. How selfish and child like does that sound? How rediculous it was trying to find happiness in my child and our relationship when I wasn't totally seeking happiness from Our Father first. As I read, pray, and sing to Our Father...Today and everyday, Jesus is showing me how to be a better person, to be a loving and unselfish wife, mother and friend. I know that everyday is another chance for to me to be more loving, understanding and affectionate mother to Evanna and Emily. I know Now that all things are possible through Jesus!

I was never the type to pray out loud or even speak about Jesus our Savior. I would only share the written word in cards or letters. I still am working on praying out loud. I did have books available for Evanna to read based on scripture and gave her a childrens interactive Bible. It had activities and we read together once in a while. I know my love for Jesus didn't shine so much in our lives back then but He was still present in my heart, tugging and pulling me into understand HIS way. He has touched Evanna in such a way that in my heart He tells me... "you didn't know any other way"... "you have been forgiven"... AMEN!

Evanna if you are reading this, you were the best thing to happen to me! I always wanted to have a child but never realized until later that I was still a child myself when you were born. I don't regret having you in my life, not ever. One of the hardest things I had to do was let you go... Let you live away from me... The painful feeling of not having you home everynight surpasses all the pain I went through (or thought I was going through) raising you. I know it was the best thing for you to move but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do! Even though we live in the same city, you are missed daily. For all those times I didn't hug you or show how much I loved you.. please forgive me... for I didn't know any better! I love you and am very proud to be your mother. Jesus loves you and has always looked after you... never search for happiness in others... you will always be disappointed... seek Jesus first! Here is a verse that answers why I struggled so much raising you..... Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5).

I pray those of you out there needing guidance, love, understanding and answers to seek our Father, Lord Jesus our Savior for all those needs FIRST!....

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life. (Proverbs 4:13)

I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.(Proverbs 8:17)

I just read this message from my Women's Devotional Bible(NIV) on "Never giving up". This comes from the last paragraph written by Mary C. Crowley on page 1392. "We mustn't give up! We might be the one to communicate hope to someone else, maybe by a gesture, maybe without words. We must love and pray and hold one another up." -Mary C Crowley

Sweet Sleep to all... Tiffany Nicole