"A Time for Everything"-Eccl.3:1

2011-11-30T23:14:00.001-06:00

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"A Time for Everything"-Eccl.3:1: Bundles and Buzz

2011-07-05T10:01:00.000-05:00

"A Time for Everything"-Eccl.3:1: Bundles and Buzz

Bundles and Buzz

2011-07-05T09:26:00.010-05:00

This is an awesome site for those interested in cloth diapers, trying out new and innovative products for infants to mammas. Sign up for their newsletter "The Buzz" to hear about their exciting surprises being offered each month. Here are a few surprise bundles I received. "Like" them on facebook.. u will not be disappointed. http://www.bundlesandbuzz.com/ OH did I mention they are all stocked up for a Bundle surprise today!

Here is a awesome give away for new mamas

2010-12-19T05:32:00.000-06:00

Give away from www.29diapers.com

2010-12-19T05:24:00.001-06:00

Click on this website to be entered into a drawing for giveaways. This would be awesome to win for new mamas. Be Blessed!

http://www.29diapers.com/2010/11/30/want-extra-entries-in-every-giveaway-during-29-diapers-29-days-of-christmas/

Surprises

2010-09-23T08:30:00.004-05:00

In my last post I mentioned we were not try to get pregnant and that was the truth. God had other plans though. We had a successful garage sale last March. We got rid of all our baby items such as cribs, play yard/bassinet, car seat, and much more. In April I had a normal month other than feeling very tired on the last 3 days of the month. Two of those days I helped at the HPC, ARC conference. I remember talking to a new friend about the past 3 miscarriages and how we were officially done trying. On day 25 of my cycle, I remember driving Ryan to the airport and feeling very nauseous especially while I was smelling the McDonald steak breakfast Ryan was eating...yuck! Right there the "ah ha" feeling came upon me but I kept it to myself. The next morning nothing happened so on my way I went to do a UPT test in yet another walmart bathroom. Who can wait to go home anyways! I didn't tell Ryan as he was on his way to his father's funeral. Well, the test was positive! Wow.. how God works..thank you Jesus. More story to come... we were blessed with a sweet baby boy Dec. 27, 2010.

My Journey to a heathier ME!

2010-02-23T15:01:00.004-06:00

As of now, we are NOT trying to get pregnant. I have decided to take charge of my weight loss battle and take care of ME for once. I have been in a fog since my first miscarriage and wanting so much to have another one that I let myself go. I didn't take good care of me.. didn't exercise much and put on weight during the holidays. I decided on Jan. 15, 2010 to join Nutrisystem. I using their method of portion control and glycemic index control. I followed their online plan and listed the foods and lost my first 2.2 lbs. before the meals arrived. I started the NS meals on Jan.27th, exactly 28 days from today(Feb. 23rd). I am down a total of 12.6lbs and am loving the new me!

What changes have I made one my ask? I am eating 5 to 6 vegetables a day plus 3 servings of fruit! I have never eating that many and found it hard just eating 4 servings total before. I now eat the vegetables before the meal and am feeling so satisfied through out the day. I still have days that I crave certain foods or just feel hungrier. On those days I drink a flavorfull drink mix with fiber that tastes just like lemonaide and/or tea. I didn't like them at first but noticed I had to pour hot water to dissolve the crystals. I also will eat another vegetable, drink tea, or exercise to get over any cravings and that seems to work. I am also more conscious of what foods my family eats and needs. I am making different vegetable dishes and keeping them interesting.

Where am I feeling a difference in my weight? After the first 10lbs I began feeling lighter in my breasts, waist, face, hips, and fingers. My daughter is noticing a change and will tell me so. My husband is seeing a change and will share that with me also. As the weight comes off I am looking forward to wearing some of my clothes I stopped wearing before this last pregnancy.

Since I bought the Wii and Wii fit plus I have incorporated exercise and more strength training into my work out. It is fun and I look forward to exercising instead of pushing myself! I have a long journey to go but am excited and motived once again! I hope to post more on my journey every couple weeks. Have a Blessed month of March!

My Journey through tough times..miscarriage...My 3 Angels in Heaven :(

2010-02-23T13:08:00.008-06:00

Nov. 4th, 2009 Hi I am playing the waiting game. My LMP was Sept. 5, 2009 making me 8.4 wks (Nov.4th, 2009) today according to the estimated due date wheel I used to carry when I worked in the OB/Gyn field back in 2003. I suspected I was pregnant after not getting my usual migraines right before my menses. My menses usually run every 26 days. On day 28 I had a positive pregnancy test. I was in awe of myself since my husband and I weren't trying this last month due to me having the flu and symptoms lasting almost 2 wks. We were together maybe 1 day before the flu symptoms and 1 day while I was recovering and felt a little better. I now wish I would have put those days on the calendar but didn't. I also didn't feel that I ovulated but probably cause I was talking tylenol for joint pain and fever. Anyhow, I went for my OB appt. Oct. 26 and all went well. I then came back for my USD, according to my LMP I should have been 7.4wks. My oldest daughter (age 21) came with me. The Tech asked 3 times if I was sure on my date of the LMP and I said yes. We saw a gestational and yolk sac but not fetal pole or HB. She said the sack measured me at being only 6wks. She didn't say anything else and said to come back in a week. We did draw HCG levels. Oct. 26 they were 18,747 and on Oct. 27th they were 16,000. Nothing was said about a possible loss or M/C but I knew that levels falling was not a good sign. It is possible that I was dehydrated after crying myself sick the whole two days of waiting to do another HCG. The nurse mentioned to continue the Progesterone which I started the day I test UPT positive. She also said to have pelvic rest till next wk USD. It was hard looking at an empty sack but I kept myself from crying until the drive home. For 2 days I lost it! Prayed, cried, grieved.. I was a mess. I searched online and ran into this site(www.misdiagnosed miscarriage.com). After reading the stories I decided to wait 2 wks before getting another USD. I am now waiting. Nothing new has happend...no bleeding, still having off and on nausea, breast tenderness, tingling sensation in breast, aversion to some foods, sense of smell increasing, constipation even though I am NOT taking a vitamin with iron. My headaches were finally every 4 to 6 days and better the 3rd wk while taking 200mg Progesterone.

Now for my previous history... My first pregnancy back in July of 1988 went beautifully.. although I was very sick and lost weight but then gain a ton towards the end. I was also only 20. My second pregnancy was July of 2003. I was 35 and started having problems at 28wks. I ended up with HELLP and sick for 2 wks in and out of ICU. My miracle baby was only 2.8oz and hanging in..she was in the NICU for almost 2 months. She came home only weighing 4.11oz, breastfeeding well and breathing on her own! Thank you Jesus! At my 6 wks check up I decided to have an IUD in place because I was terrified to have another child. Not until Sept. 2006 did I get the courage from God to try again. I had it removed and got pregnant 9 months later + upt on June 25th, 2007(now age 39) I was almost 7 wks when I started spotting brown and that was it. At 8 wks(July 30th.. I was still spotting and went in for my USD and there was the fetus but no HB I cried instantly and left there a mess. I didn't tell my husband till he came home the next day. We went in once again for another USD(July 31st) in radiology and they said the same. My doctor told me my options. I sure wish I found the misdiagnosedmiscarriage site back then.. I may have held on for another couple wks before using a pill to help pass the little one. I passed the little one Aug. 1st. I passed a huge clot and what looked like dark areas on both side of a small grey mass. We collected it and brought it to the doctor. She said that is was probably a chromosonal abnormality and that she didn't think we needed to test it. I now wish we would have. It took a long time to grieve for this little one in heaven. In Dec. 2007, I tested positive again and then started bleeding really heavy on Dec. 17 which would have made me only 4.5 wks along. I didn't go to the doc.. but did call to let them know what happened. I never had a D&C and just let them pass naturally. So that is my story.

Here I am age 41, maybe 8.3 wks according to LMP or 7wks according to the USD and nothing has happened yet. I reschedule my USD for this coming Mon. Nov. 9 at 1:30CST. I keep reading, and praying for a Miracle. I am hopeful after reading others with the same drop in HCG levels and USD showing nothing but two sacs and then they find a HB!!! I know what ever happens will be Gods plan and is out of my control! I pray for a good outcome for all in the same waiting game. God Bless for reading this to the end. Tiff. Nicole

Nov. 10th, 2009 I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. After waiting another 13 days to give the little one time to grow and be seen on an USD, I am now home waiting to miscarry. We had a second USD today and it showed some growth, a fetal pole, no HB. The doc said they think that the little one stopped growing at 6.4 wks. I did see a little more of something in the sac but nothing recognizable like my last M/C at 8 wks. I was supposed to be 9.1 wks from the LMP. We are very sad, well I am mostly..my husband has a hard time showing his emotions when it comes to m/c. I am home waiting for bleeding to happen and nothing so far. I still have all the same pregnancy symptoms but less nausea than before. That makes all this even harder. I know in time the HCG hormone will fall and I will be back to feeling normal soon. I am sorry I didn't have better news, but wanted to atleast give anyone following my story an ending. I appreciated all those that left us their happy or sad ending and didn't leave us hanging, wondering what really happened. This site really kept me going, hearing all the beautiful outcomes of what could have been another failed pregnancy or sad story. Thank You for having this site.. It has been a blessing for me through this tough time. God Bless those still waiting it out.. keep hope up and know God has a plan for all of us no matter what the outcome!

I wrote this Tue. Nov.11 CST..
I am still at home waiting for something to happen. I still feel very pregnant. I still use the bathroom 2 of 3 times during the night, still have very full and tender breasts, still have the bloated feeling , aversion to food, occa. nausea, and keen sense of smell. I am still getting constipated even though not taking iron pills. I have been headache free for over a month now which is very unusual for me. That was one of my first signs that made me think I was pregnant. I didn't have my usual hormonal migraine headaches a few days before my menses was due. The headaches only got worse when I tested positive and started taking 200mg of progesterone. After a month on the progesterone the head aches went from daily, to every few days to once a wk to nothing! This also makes me wonder if I was on a high enough dose of progesterone. This is the first pregnancy that I tried using progesterone but the doc didn't test my levels till I think it was too late.. and had to request getting them tested. They were 14 and lower than the doc would have liked them to be. I have been off progesterone since after Monday's USD. There is this naggin sense that I need to get back on them but not sure if that is just me hoping all will turn out to be a mistake on the USD and tests. I am praying for closure to happen soon.

ON Wed. Nov. 11th...
I am concerned cause I never bleed through out this whole ordeal and am still waiting. I woke up again this morning with very heavy breast again, and am still waking up to use the bathroom 2 or more times a night. I still have the keen sense of smell I developed with this pregnacy and aversion to some foods I used to like. I go to bed each night feeling so very bloated and feeling very pregnant. I also keep praying all will be revealed, whether I am going to bleed and pass the little one or maybe there is some hope that all is ok. I just don't know. I almost forgot to mention that the nagging feeling I had about not taking progesterone overcame me so after two days I started back on them again. I am standing strong and trying to wait it out. I know what I saw in the USD and it was more than the first one. The doc. mentioned the USD tech saw a fetal pole but still no HP. I still think I am not as far along as they think! God can make things possible. I took progesterone after my second m/c. I still think I needed a higher dose and my doc should have been testing me every few days to see how high my levels were. I will learn from this pregnancy and be even more proactive during the next.

This is what I wrote Thur. Nov. 12th and Fri. 13th...I just realized I should be posting what I am going through on this post instead of all different ones. I am seeing some very little spotting now and having occas. very quick sharp pains right above pubic bone area(sorry). They started yesterday evening. I also had bad nausea around 4:30 yesterday and some on Friday. I had my first headache this morning that lasted till 12 when I took one excedrin migraine. If nothing more happens this weekend I will see about another USD next week. Smells are still bothering me and can't eat some foods like chicken right now. My husband had to leave the room to finish his roasted chicken and cheese sandwich last night..thought I was going to puke smelling it. Anyhow, try to have a weekend of closure!

Today Friday Nov. 13th the pain only happend a couple times and feels more like pulling now. I had some brown on my pad. I still feel very bloated.. can't say that enough.

Saturday Nov. 14th... Nothing new really..still some spotting and mostly when I wipe. I have some red when I wipe only. I have had nausea at 11 am off and on and still have all the same pregnancy symptoms mentioned previously. I also had really bad heartburn two times this weekend. I didn't eat anything different than the usual. My stomach feels so bloated still and the pulling around my abdom. and upper sides are felt more often through out the day. I read today on another site where a lady was 9.5 wks but the USD only measured her 6.5 wks and she bled for 30 days with clots. Her baby is doing great! That gives me even more hope that my days and wks are off also. This is why I am waiting it out. I will not be tempted to take those pills like last time! I haven't spoken with my OB doc since Mon. Nov. 9th.. she probably thinks I took the pills. I plan to find another doctor to see what is going on inside but may continue to wait another week unless I start clotting. This hasn't been easy by any means but I am holding on strong that God will reveal
soon what is going to happen either way! To those waiting also, please hold on as much as possible. I finally read every story on this site today about the misdiagnosed M/C and am feeling very hopeful some of us will have a real positive story to tell also! God BLess!

Sunday Nov.15th 8:30 pm CST...Hi Jodieblas.. My LMP was Sept 5th so we arn't too far apart in this waiting game. I am still holding on even though the odds are so against me. Only time will tell and I am willing to wait as long as possible. I hope you get closure soon but trust your body and intuition and do what is right for you. I may be holding on for HOPE but as long as I can handle it I will continue to wait. I will keep you posted.

Mon. Nov. 16....I remember having an achy belly like bad gas pains at the end of the month of Sept. before I found out I was prego. I was subbing at my daughters school. It made me so very bloated. I also had a bad flu right before getting pregnant and was still recovering. I didn't take anything but excedrin pm to sleep. I did have 3 days of high temps. but am certain I hadn't ovulated then. Nothing new to report. Have been very emotional today and very tired. I slept 6 hours last night and then slept 2 hours 12noon to 2pm. Keep holding on to hope!

Tues. Nov. 17th 6:08pm. I have had some right side pain today that felt like ovulation pain. It lasted all morning till about 1pm. I am having more of a lite menses now and very tiny clots. I took a shower and tried to shave but stomach was more in the way then usual. I know it wasn't my imagination so I decided to call the doc to ask if she can see me one more time to see if I am dilated or get another USD to see what is happening. The nurse calls me back asking when I took the cytotec. I told her I didn't and mentioned I wanted it to pass naturally. She then said " you need to take it!". I then asked again if I could just come in to have the doc look at me one more time. Do you know she left me on hold for a while and then gets on the phone saying "you either need to take the cytotec, come in for a D&C or pass it naturally. I told her "you guys are no help"! and I hung up on the nurse...I know the doc was right there waiting to hear what I would say. I used to work in an Ob/Gyn field and never treated a patient like that. Anyhow, I was very upset and just cried. I told my husband and he was ready to tell the doctor off. I told him if the phone rang and it was the doctor not to answer it. Sure enough a few minutes later she calls on my cell and leaves a message. This was her message, "hi Tiffany I am returning your call and then hangs up the phone hard"..well it sounded hard to me. I just checked to hear the message again and there was another message which is weird cause I never heard the phone ring. She then called the home phone but our answering machine wasn't on. Anyhow, she wants me to call her back but I just can't now after what she told the nurse to tell me. I am just going to wait as I had planned before. Guess I need some encouragement as my hope it fading. Thanks for reading. My wacked out hormones doesn't help with this whole process as I know you guys can relate! I felt in my heart a while back that I needed to find another doctor but didn't. I won't be going back to her. What ever happens I will seek someone else with more compassion.

Wed. Nov 18th, 2009 5:03pm cst
I am having bright red bleeding now and more of it as of this afternoon. As soon as I stand up it comes out. I was very weak last night and my pain in the left arm, wrist, elbow increasingly got worse. I realized it was carpal tunnel syndrome. I never had it with any other pregnancies but have read that is what can happen with the increase in blood production and fluid retention. Since I haven't officially pass the little one, going on 10.3 wks, I am surprised I would have this problem so early on. Anyhow, it is worse at night. I have some on my right wrist but tolerable. The last time I had this was right before I went into hospital for a second time kidney stone obstruction and they found out I had ITP.(1998) I don't remember retaining fluid at the time but did work with 2 1/2-3 year olds. Well, the doc I was seeing had called me 3 times yesterday and left me two messages as stated earlier. She called me once today and left me a message saying "I will be leaving early today but will be back in the office tomorrow if you need anything". Guess she is feeling bad for not having me come in as I requested. She is prego herself and due in December. I rather not go back to that office. I don't hate her.. it was hard making that call and asking to been seen again as it is.. I felt humiliated that all they wanted me to do was "take that Pill".. even after I told her I was waiting it out. I know I need to forgive her but that doesn't mean I need to go back and see her. Thanks for hearing me out. I pray everyone gets to see their little bean soon! The waiting has been tough but hearing what everyone is going through has helped me get through all this. Have a blessed rest of the week!

Thurs. Nov. 19 3:32 pm
I am not feeling too well, mostly weak and had a second headache since I was sent home to m/C. It was pretty bad but relieved with tylenol. I have had occas. rapid pulse and flushing of the face that makes me check to see if my temp was up but it was ok. I am very bloated and still having off and on right side pain. I slept sitting up so I bled through my clothes last night. I am having heavier bleeding and very few tiny clots but not enough to consult a doc yet. I feel like my body is retaining fluid. I see it in my legs, hips, stomach and thighs and on the scale. I haven't done any exercise and my appetite has increased so am trying to watch that better since I am already a full figured woman. Well, that is my update.. How are you fab-mom?

Friday Nov. 20th The bleeding was much worse. Very bright red and just pouring out, but no clots. I was soaking a pad every 2 hrs. Still no cramping just some pressure, bloating, lightheaded and occas. fast pulse.

Sat. Nov. 21st. Woke up at 4am with even heavier bleeding and decided to call the on-call nurse. Given my history of ITP and HELLP, she suggested I go to the ER. I went to the nearest hospital that is more of an assessment center than an ER for Women. They admitted me for observation took labs and did a thorough ultrasound on a 7 mhz machine. The USD showed a smaller sac of 5w 4d and the fetal pole meas. 5w 5d. I was wheeled back to my room to wait for all the results. The place was so quiet. Everyone there was so nice. I didn't have to wait when I got there like the usual ER. The lady that drew the blood just had her first M/C at 32 and is afraid to try again herself. I gave her this web site. I checked in at 6:45 and started having pressure on my bladder. I was going every half hour. The five hours I was there I used the bathroom 12 times or more. Anyhow, the bleeding slowed down 2 hours into the visit so I pretty much was ready to leave. Finally around 9:30 a doc came into the room with the results. She said all the blood work was fine. My HCG levels were under 3000. The USD showed that the sac implanted in the anterior wall of my uterus and was stuck on my cesarean section scar. I had a vertical cut from pubic to belly button on the outside in 2003 but not sure how they cut me inside. Anyhow, the lady said the sac was basically defying gravity and just hanging there which is why I was having the abnormally heavy bleeding. I still hadn't had any clots. She mentioned this would not have been a good pregnancy since my risk of uterine rupture would have been very high given where the sac implanted. I had a sigh of relief as I had gone so many days wondering why it was taking me so long to miscarry. I still had hope on those days but it was very hard dealing with my emotions and feeling like I was still prego. The doc recommended taking the cytotec because there it a huge risk of bleeding out with a D&C and higher risk of having MORE scar tissue. I told her I would never have a D&C anyways. It is such a blind procedure and many are having a hard time staying prego because of the scarred up tissue from that procedure even after having it only once. I had the pill inserted vaginally and had to stay for another half hour per doc orders. After a half hour I was ready to burst and went to pee and out came a HUGE(first clot) and the pill down the toilet. I grabbed gloves and scooped it out of the toilet because I wasn't sure what it was.. looked like liver with some gray colored tissue. I had to wait another hour before they decided to give me another 3 pills orally and told me to go in first thing Monday to get another USD to see if there is any progress. I was in more pain leaving then going in but managed to drive to CVS to get my pain meds etc. While home I passed so many large clots and saved them. I was having back pain, and tons of pressure in my lower abdomen. I never really had the cramps. I have had daily headaches that linger all day long.

Sunday Nov. 22 I woke up feeling much better. The pressure was gone. I did notice I tired very easily and still bleed quite a bit. I thought I was done passing clots but then passed more in the afternoon. I am relieved that this is finally a closure for me and know God was looking out for me and this pregnancy. He knew given where the sac implanted, I was not going to have a good outcome. I knew something wasn't right which is why I TRIED to see my doc earlier as you read before. I am getting off here to call the doc for an USD appt. and drop off the samples for testing. Does anyone know how much that test cost? I will update when I get back. I pray all is out and I can have a pleasant Thanksgiving. Thanks for reading.

Mon. Nov. 23. 9pm CST
Well, we did another USD and the sac is still there. It didn't even shrink after losing all that blood and clots. They didn't really tell me what to do next. It was not a good visit to say the least. I was supposed to see a doc because I had some questions. The USD tech was so nice. She kept going out to ask the doc the questions but what gets me is it took an arm and a leg for him to finally come in the USD room to answer them. My doc knew we were going to collect the tissue I passed to get them tested. That is what I did for my first miscarriage but we decided not to since it was our first. Now it is our third and I spent two days collecting everything and was told by this other doc that they couldn't use the tissue I collected. He said the only way was to do a D&C and collect the tissue then. I never heard of such a thing and then began to question why my doc didn't tell me this. It wasn't easy collecting and seeing all the stuff coming out whether or not it was tissue or just blood clots...and now I did it for nothing. The doc at the ER on Saturday told me it would be too risky to do a D&C because of where the sac was attached and now the docs I usually see say go ahead and do it! I was so confused. I think they just want everyone under the knife! I broke down in tears of anger and humility in the USD room. They wanted me to come back tomorrow to see my doc and I said why. She can't help me and I was too upset to even see her. I asked if they could refer me to see a specialist. They set me up to see a Maternal-Fetal medicine/High Risk Ob doc. for Dec. 3rd. I have exhausted myself to say the least and praying I can get back to better health soon. I was hoping to pass everything before Thanksgiving since I will be away from home. I just don't know what to do other than taking more pills to help it pass again. I will be very surprised if the doc calls back with instructions before Thanksgiving. I am just left in limbo once again! If the little one stopped growing at 6wk 4 days, then it has been 5wk 2 days and it hasn't passed yet. I need to get off and sleep. Thanks for reading.

Tues. Nov.24th
It was almost 2pm and no calls from the doc. I decided to call to ask what to do next. They said to go ahead and try a second round of cytotec. I took it at 3:00 and was sick the rest of the day. The bleeding is like a lite menses and now pur water coming out the other end.(sorry). Aparently it is a side effect but this didn't happen to me Saturday when I took the pills...strange. It also said this usually happens a wk after taking those pills and that it can last a week. Ok this isn't what I needed the day before Thanksgiving. Now I am trying to decide if I should stay home or go to Thanksgiving an hour away. I just don't know what to do. I hate canceling yet another Thanksgiving get-to-gether. Last year I was sick also. I don't think my stomach will tolerate rich food right now.

Wed. Nov. 25th Thanks Fab-mom for your reply. They wouldn't take my samples so now just waiting to pass more. Bleeding has slowed down this morning which seems weird after taking 4 more pills yesterday. I didn't pass anything since last Sunday. I am so tired. I kept having the chills and then I was hot but no fever last night. I am just puzzled at what to do other than get a D&C. Will just have to see how the day goes. Hope everyone has a Blessed Thankgiving.

Mon. Dec. 07, 2009: 9:50 am CST:
Thanks so much for your message NY girl. I haven't posted in a while. I tried 3 times to pass everything at home but according to 3 USD later the sac is still there and hasn't decreased in size or deflated... I have to get the dreaded D&C this Thurs. Dec. 10th. I so was trying to avoid this but my body had other plans. I have been ok emotionally but still have my days of sadness. I also had to put my 17yr. old himalayan cat to sleep (Dec. 4th) and it still breaks my heart. She got sick with an URI along with 2 of my 4 cats and then stopped eating. I was forcing fluids and syringe filled food on her but she began to sound like she was in pain. I miss her so and still hear her cries.. I thought she was going to pass away on her own but that wasn't in the plan. Hope everyone had a Blessed Thanksgiving. I stayed home after taking my second dose of cytotec and nothing happened but horrible symptoms that kept me home! My daughter went to two Thanksgiving celebrations so she didn't have to miss out. My husband took her to one of them before being called out to work. We have our tree up thanks to my oldest daughter. I put up our outdoor Christmas light last night just before the rain started. We had some snow here in Louisiana Friday Dec. 4th at around 9:30 pm.. We took pics and watched it fall. We woke up to a nice blanket of snow but it didn't last long. I pray everyone has a Blessed Christmas holiday. I will post more about the dreaded surgery later. Be Blessed.

Saturday December 12, 7:54 pm CST
I am going on my 2nd day of severe muscle and joint pain after the D&C. I read that it is caused by a muscle relaxor given during anesthesia through the tube. I called the on call doc and he seems to think it isn't related to the procedure. He is so far off, I wished I hadn't even called. He was no help what so ever! I know what I am having in real and it is very painful.. more painful than when you have the muscle pains when you have the flu or strep or even bronchitis. I hurt when I swallow, cough, talk, clear my throat, bend over or even just walk to check my mailbox. I feel like I went through a heavy work out with weights and feeling the pain after but 10 times worse. The pain meds they gave me didn't help and after one pill made me jittery and couldn't sleep. It also constipated me to no end! I so wanted to aviod having surgery and just don't understand why it has affected me this way. I hope to get answers or atleast confirm what meds they gave me that caused this to happen. The pain started 18 hours after I came home from the hospital. The paper work did say the anesthesia takes about 24 hours to leave your system entirely. As it did the pain become intense but only in my muscles and joints. I don't have any pains in my abdomen or uterus... just sore muscles in my abs when I get up from lying down in bed. Sure would like to know if anyone else has had this happen to them. I was very emotional after the procedure after realizing how bad I felt coming out of the anesthesia. What physical pain we go through to rid out body of the left over tissue that would not let go! It just hit me hard. I can't go through this procedure again! It is worse than waiting at home to pass. Atleast I wasn't in physical pain..just emotional. Sorry for the random thoughts.. just want relief. I know in time this will also get better.. it has to! I feel like my body is being attacked with a vengence! Pray for relief soon! Hope everyone who had this procedure had a better outcome. God Bless.

I went for my 4 wk(actually was 6wks)check up after the D&C. The doc didn't do anything other than ask me some questions. I was concerned about not having started my menses. She mentioned it can take up to 6 mos to see a normal flow after a D&C. I finally started Feb. 3rd, 2010 I was having very sharp pains in my lower abdominals and didn't get much relief unless I sat with a heating pad and took liquid ibuprofen. I don't get painful periods at all so it was unusual for me. I started two days after and realized it was menstrual cramps but very painful ones. The flow was unusually heavy for me also but I was relieved to be somewhat back to normal.

All things happen for a reason..

2009-11-10T17:59:00.004-06:00

I just found this verse and wanted to share. It reasures me again that only God is in control and has the power to create miracles. All things happen for a reason. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jer 29:11

Waiting for a miracle...sent home to miscarry.

2009-11-10T16:09:00.004-06:00

Nov. 9th, 2009. I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. After waiting another 13 days to give the little one time to grow and be seen on an USD, I am now home waiting to miscarry. We had a second USD today and it showed no growth, no HB, and that the little one stopped growing at 6.4 wks. I did see a little more of something in the sac but nothing recognizable like my last M/C at 8 wks. I was supposed to be 9.1 wks from the LMP. We are very sad, well I am mostly..my husband has a hard time showing his emotions when it comes to m/c. I am home waiting for bleeding to happen and nothing so far. I still have all the same pregnancy symptoms, my stomach seems larger today(Nov.10th). That makes all this even harder and at times makes me hopeful that all of these test are wrong..that maybe this little one will defy the odds against all the negative tests. I know all things are possible only through Gods loving touch. I am sorry I didn't have better news, but wanted to atleast give anyone following my story an ending. God Bless those still waiting it out.. keep hope up and know God has a plan for all of us no matter what the outcome!
_________________
For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in the secret place... PSALMS 139: 13-16

Praying to defy the odds!

2009-11-10T15:38:00.004-06:00

Nov. 4th, 2009 9:09pm I am playing the waiting game. My LMP was Sept. 5, 2009 making me 8.4 wks (Nov.4th, 2009) today according to the estimated due date wheel I used to carry when I worked in the OB/Gyn field back in 2003. I suspected I was pregnant after not getting my usual migraines right before my menses. My menses usually run every 26 days. On day 28 I had a positive pregnancy test. I was in awe of myself since my husband and I weren't trying this last month due to me having the flu and symptoms lasting almost 2 wks. We were together maybe 2 days before the flu symptoms and 1 day while I was recovering and felt a little better. I now wish I would have put those days on the calendar but didn't. I also didn't feel that I ovulated but probably cause I was talking tylenol for joint pain and fever. Anyhow, I went for my OB appt. Oct. 26 and all went well. I then came back for my USD, according to my LMP I should have been 7.4wks. My oldest daughter (age 21) came with me. The Tech asked 3 times if I was sure on my date of the LMP and I said yes. We saw a gestational and yolk sac but not fetal pole or HB. She said the sack measured me at being only 6wks. She didn't say anything else and said to come back in a week. We did draw HCG levels. Oct. 26 they were 18,747 and on Oct. 28th they were 16,000. Nothing was said about a possible loss or M/C but I knew that levels falling was not a good sign. It is possible that I was dehydrated after crying myself sick the whole two days of waiting to do another HCG. The nurse mentioned to continue the Progesterone which I started the day I test UPT positive. She also said to have pelvic rest till next wks USD. It was hard looking at an empty sack but I kept myself from crying until the drive home. For 2 days I lost it! Prayed, cried, grieved.. I was a mess. I searched online and ran into this site.(http://www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com/mycommunity/viewtopic.php?p=88633) After reading the stories I decided to wait 2 wks before getting another USD. I am now waiting. Nothing new has happend...no bleeding, still having off and on nausea, breast tenderness, tingling sensation in breast, aversion to some foods, sense of smell increasing, constipation even though I am NOT taking a vitamin with iron. My headaches were finally every 4 to 6 days and better the 3rd wk while taking 200mg Progesterone. Now for my previous history... My first pregnancy back in July of 1988 went beautifully.. although I was very sick and lost weight but then gain a ton towards the end. I was also only 20. My second pregnancy was July of 2003. I was 35 and started having problems at 28wks. I ended up with HELLP and sick for 2 wks in and out of ICU. My miracle baby was only 2.8oz and hanging in..she was in the NICU for almost 2 months. She came home only weighing 4.11oz, breastfeeding well and breathing on her own! Thank you Jesus! At my 6 wks check up I decided to have an IUD in place because I was terrified to have another child. Not until Sept. 2006 did I get the courage from God to try again. I had it removed and got pregnant 9 months later + upt on June 25th, 2007(now age 39) I was almost 7 wks when I started spotting brown and that was it. At 8 wks(July 30th.. I was still spotting and went in for my USD and there was the fetus but no HB I cried instantly and left there a mess. I didn't tell my husband till he came home the next day. We went in once again for another USD(July 31st) in radiology and they said the same. My doctor told me my options. I sure wish I looked for this site back then.. I may have held on for another couple wks before using a pill to help pass the little one. I passed the little one Aug. 1st. I passed a huge clot and what looked like dark areas on both side of a small grey mass. We collected it and brought it to the doctor. She said that it was probably a chromosonal abnormality and that she didn't think we needed to test it. I now wish we would have. It took a long time to grieve for this little one in heaven. In Dec. 2007, I tested positive again and then started bleeding really heavy on Dec. 17 which would have made me only 4.5 wks along. This was the same day my family had an early Christmas at my sister Sonja's house and the same day I drove to visit my parents in Florida. I didn't go to the doc.. but did call to let them know what happened. I never had a D&C and just let them it pass naturally. So that is my story. Here I am age 41, maybe 8.3 wks according to LMP or 7wks according to the USD and nothing has happened yet. My last HCG level was Nov.5 It went down to 10,000. ;( I rescheduled my USD for this coming Mon. Nov. 9 at 10:30CST. Ryan came home last Friday, so he will be with me this time for the USD. I keep reading, and praying for a Miracle. I am hopeful after reading others with the same drop in HCG levels and USD showing nothing but two sacs and then they find a HB!!! I know what ever happens will be Gods plan and is out of my control! I pray for a good outcome for all in the same waiting game. God Bless for reading this to the end. Tiff. Nicole
_________________
For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in the secret place... PSALMS 139: 13-16

2009-03-11T22:38:00.001-05:00

Here is my brother-in-law Tim Powell's website.

http://www.genesisch.com/home2.html

My brother-in-law, Claude Bethea, RallyPoint & Transformyx

2009-03-11T22:29:00.004-05:00

Here is Claude Bethea introducing his new product called RallyPoint on demo.com . Sit back and enjoy the live video.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid10043444001/bclid14358335001/bctid14536676001

http://www.transformyx.com/

My life and places I lived.. this sums it up quite nicely!

2009-03-01T11:38:00.005-06:00

Try to keep up with all the places we lived!

We moved so many times in my life. Believe it when I say I am grateful. I am Grateful to God first for my eventful life and awesome family. Second, I am grateful to my parents for all the wonderful places we lived and people we met through out our lives.

My older sister and I were born in Antananarive, Madagascar(1966 & 1968).

We moved to Barstow California where my youngest sister was born.(1969)

I began my elementary years in Port Tobacco, Maryland(1970-1972).

Our parents moved us to Quito Ecuador(1972-1980). I went to Academia Cotopaxi 1st-3rd grade. I changed schools and went to Alliance Academy for my 4th-6th grade. Those years are etched in my life so deeply! I will never forget the plane ride as we left Quito..we all had tears to fill an ocean! We were after all, leaving a beautiful place to live in little town of Scott, Louisiana. To say the least, we were horrified!(sorry fellow Cajuns..extreme culture shock was more like it!) I have nothing against Cajuns.. my husband is part Cajun on his Grandmothers side(The Brignac family)

We moved to Scott, Louisiana the summer of 1980. I attended Scott Middle School 7-8th grade.(1980-1982). I then attended Acadiana High School(1982-1986).

After highschool I Moved to Natchitoches, Louisiana Aug.1986 (Band Scholarship from NSU)worked on Earlychildhood degree. I met & married first husband 1987. Oldest beautiful daughter born July 1988. Left NSU, Natchitoches, la 1991.

Moved to Vacaville California, then Fairfield(Travis AFB), then on to Roseville, Ca(after divorce) I picked up Educ.classes in Sacramento, CA. (Sacramento State Univ.)I began my career in teaching. Worked as Pres-K teacher with Children's World Learning Center(1991-1994).

Moved to Rowlett, Texas(1994-1995). Continued to work for Children's World.

I then moved to Covington, Louisiana. Worked for Cedarwood Elem.School teaching 3-4 yr. olds(1995-1997). While there I picked up more Elementary Educ. classes at Southeastern State Univ. in Hammond, La(1995-1996). I was in an accident Aug. 1996 that kept me out of work till July 1997. I began working for Kinder Haus Montessori July 1996- March 1998. I was admitted to hopital for second kidney stone attack and diagnosed with ITP.(March 1998) After months of steroids(prednisone nightmare) and extremely low platelets, I had a splenectomy (July 1998), then began my medical career. I have been in remission from ITP since! Thank you LORD!

In August 1998 I began taking NCMA classes at Delta College in Mandeville,La. I finished my NCMA externship in the OB/GYN office of Dr. Albert Tydings. I went on to work there while his staff was on vacation.

The summer of 1999 I found part time work and moved back to Natchitoches, La. I worked part time as a National Certified Medical Assistant(NCMA...NOT CNA!!! people get confused on that one!)and went back to school full time at NSU. After changing my major 3 times back in 1996, I decided to go back and finish my Degree. I graduated May 2000 with a Bachelor's Degree in General Studies and Minor in Spanish. I loved college and probably could have continued to become a professional student if....

Anyhow, I continued to work for Women's Health in Natchitoches after graduation. I met my awesome husband online Nov. 2001. We met in person February 23rd, 2002. His family came up to visit Natchitoches that day, thanks to his Grandma Norma! We have been together ever since. We had Emily July 2003. She was born very premature. Needless to say, I became a stay-at-home mom.

We moved to Prairieville the summer of 2005. (Found a place two days before Katrina hit and moved the night before Rita hit.. we camped out at Wendy's house that day!)

Yet another move! We were forced to move back to apartment living in Baton Rouge,La April 2006. After 2 years of house hunting we finally made the move to our HOME SWEET HOME in Walker, La. We have been through 1 major tornado(same day we received the keys to our home May 15, 2008), hurricane Gustov Sept.1st and the famous SNOW DAY Dec. 11, 2008. We lost some trees, branches, siding on our garage, and received a new roof. Bless our home!

And as they say.. the rest is HISTORY.. in the making! God Bless those of you who read till the end! AMEN

(Family please correct me on my dates if I posted wrong.)

Cats, cats and more kittens.

2008-11-13T12:42:00.009-06:00

Here are some of our feline visitors. There are plenty more next door. The neighbor kittens are starting to roaming our property. The cats run away when we go outside so I try to take pictures from indoors. The only one that stayed around was the little orange kitten. He followed the neighbor from the grocery store behind us. She went inside and the kitty saw us in the yard and of course ran to us. Poor thing was covered with fleas and miserable. I called Walker animal control and they found him a new home.

We have 3 cats of our own and just added another Siamese Oct. 18th. He was playing in his cage with a string. The SPCA of Livingston had their adoption day at Walmart and there he was waiting for us to pick him up. He was approx. 12 wks and very lively. He wasn't afraid at all. We named him Shiloh. He has had a clean bill of health so far and growing bigger everyday!

Miss Kitty our Himalayan is approx. 17 years old and hanging in there. She had some
close calls but seems stronger the last couple weeks. She will be with us for a little while longer. She tolerates the kitten but isn't ready to warm up to him.

Kitty our short haired cat has put on weight but is doing fine. She is just as friendly as ever. She also tolerates Shiloh. She mostly enjoys watching him play.

Tux our black and white cat above finally found himself a buddy. He and Shiloh enjoy wrestling and chasing one another.

Thank God for our warm and cuddly friends. Enjoy!

Tiff. Nicole

Closed on home, Inconveniences, Hurricane season.

2008-11-04T19:47:00.016-06:00

We closed on our house May 15, 2008. I was thinking today how happy and blessed I feel to have our own place! I finally took down 5 out of 18 blinds on our windows. I am tired of the dust that collects on those things! They came with the house so they were pretty dusty. I am still looking for curtains to keep out the light in our bedroom. I put up temporary curtain for now.

The house hasn't disappointed us yet. We haven't had an major problems (Thank You Jesus!). We did have 4 small leaks. One leak came from a vent that dropped water into the vent pipe. It was taped up temporarily and didn't do any damage. Two leaks came from the sink pipe coming off. We are not sure why or how it came unscrewed. There was no damage either. The 4th leak came from our refrigerator water line. I woke up to a puddle of water near the masterbed room. The neighbor helped me close that faucet behind the refrig. We arn't using the water or ice maker till we buy another water filter. I hear nightmares of the things that happen to first time home buyers. We have been blessed to overcome our small inconveniences.

The day we closed on our home will be remember forever! It was an exciting day and ended with a scary tornado passing nearby. We lost a ton of limbs that hit our gutters and broke cable and electricity lines. The sky went black and it was only 4pm. I remember signing papers with our security company using our cell phone lights. The electricity was scheduled to come on the next day but the storm slowed that down. Ryan was moving some items from the van when the storm began. He remembers pulling out of the covered garage and then realized how bad the weather was and backed up just in time for a huge limb to fall right in his path. The radio on our van hasn't worked since the storm! The security guys girlfriend called him on his cell warning him that a tornado was nearby. That is when we decided to look outside and saw limbs everywhere. The house held up fine during the storm other than losing some gutters. We officially moved in May 17th. My family and my sisters family helped us move most of our stuff that day. Ryan and I made another trip to clean the place and two trips to our storage unit in Prairieville. We still have items in boxes and realized we need to have another garage sale this coming December.

The past hurricane season left us with a windblown shingles, trees down or split in half, fence bent from fallen trees and the covered garage had siding blown away. We are blessed to have a new roof on both the work shop and house as of Sept. 2008. We had to put more out of pocket money to buy 30 year architectural shingles from Owens Corning. They back up their product if there is any defect what so ever and they will reimburse you for the problem. We had some aesthetic(black glue that leaked outside on some of the shingles) issues on some of the shingles and they reimbursed us to live with it. They mentioned that it won't affect the performance of the shingles. After spending more money then we had this past hurricane season we feel very blessed to have received this reimbursement.

We have much to do to make this home more comfortable. We would like to organize the workshop so it is more useful instead of a place to store our unwanted treasures. As they say one mans junk is another mans treasure! We hope to sell these treasures and make some extra cash for much needed items around our home.

My next post will show pictures of our unexpected visitors and our newest member to our feline family.

Have an awesome month of November!

God Bless America! May the Best man win this Presidential Election! Please God Watch over us during this coming year! May we find comfort in YOU and You alone during this scary place in time! Amen

Tiff. Nicole

Inspection Passed..Thank You Lord!

2008-04-20T12:23:00.006-05:00

We had the inspection Saturday 4/19/08 at 11:40 am. It passed with no major red flags! Now we are waiting to hear about the loan, going to set up a flood elevation survey and appraisal. Here are more pictures of the home. The first pictures were taken in the Fall of 2007 and ones we have taken during our visits. We will post more later in the week.

We Found OUR HOME Sweet HOME!

2008-04-17T10:16:00.005-05:00

Here is an update on our house hunting. We are officially undercontract once again! We found a 2 bedroom 2 bath home on 1/2 acre!

This home was a 3 bedroom and 1 bath. The original owners opened up the master bedroom to make it larger so now it is a 2 bedrm home. It has a nice size master bedroom though. We hope to build in the carport or add on to the right of the house and make another room if I ever become pregnant and/or have a boy, or if we ever have to move... otherwise we are fine with this house being a 2 bedroom. It is 1502 sq. ft.

There is plenty of room in the master bedroom for a nursery. The house is very spacious, almost completely updated, and passed inspection that was done by another buying that couldn't get the loan for the place. It has a detached 800 sq ft concrete foundation workshop with electricity, phone, old woodburing fireplace in both the workshop and living room.
There is a one car garage in front of the workshop and an attached shed next to the workshop. The landscape is beautiful and there are mature trees and shrubs on the lot in front and back of home. The home has central air/heat, updated appliances, built in GE microwave, Jenn-air cook top stove/grill/oven, fairly new refrigerator and compact Kenmore dishwasher.

Almost all windows are mirrored and have special filter screens, flooring through out home is ceramic tile, and wood laminate in 2nd bathroom. NO Carpet.. THANK YOU JESUS ! Master bedroom has 2 separate closets, a large closet in bathroom, a extra long shower, 2 separate vanity areas, an attached laundry room that can be closed in, and an extra counter to fold clothes. There is a door in the laundry room that exits outdoors to the right side of the house and thankfully the water heater is also in the laundry room instead of in the attic!

The 2nd bathroom needs some updating. It has a separate old fashion wall heater, original tub/shower, sink /toilet, and a good size linen closet. There is a hall closet that is deep and has shelves. The duct work looks new, ac and heat exchange unit are 5 yrs old and roof looks good. Will know about those items when I read the last inspection report and compare it with the new one we will have done.

We are getting an flood elevation certificate done so we won't have to pay too much flood insurance. It is currently in an AE flood but next year Fema maps show that it will be a B area. The neighbors to our right pay about 400.00 and the seller pays 700.00 without having an elevation done. I forgot to mention the house is about 50 years old and is quite charming. It is made of brick, wood, and some vinlysiding where they expanded the bathroom/laundry room.

This is the 5th house we made an offer on and only 2nd one that was accepted out of them all. The first one wouldn't lower the price when we found out the addition was done very poorly and would need major work done on the roof and entire room. It also didn't have the major appliances, would have needed new flooring due to Ryan's allergies, had a very small masterbath, no landscaping, and smaller lot than this one.

The house is inside city limits of Walker, Louisiana , (Livingston Parish) but considered a rural tract( no subdivision). We will be applying for homestead exeption(only taxed on the first 7500), getting a grant(free money!) to pay for closing costs and 100% finance by Rural Development with a one time 2%(of the loan) guaranty fee which is financed instead of the usual monthly PMI(Private mortgage Insurance). There are a mix of older and newer homes in this established neighborhood.

We are excited once again! We will be ordering the inspection, flood elevation, and termite inspection.

If all goes well with the inspection and closing process we should be in our home May 28th, 2008!

God is GOOD! Will keep posting as I find out more.

Tiffany Nicole

Still House Hunting...HELP LORD!

2008-04-09T09:31:00.006-05:00

After inspection, we turned down the house we were calling home. :( We found out it needed 8,000.00 worth of repairs on an addition that was added to the house. We found out that the previous owners added this addition and soon after were told they had to leave due to not paying their mortgage. Someone came in to fix the addition to get it ready for resale. They did a horrible job that will make that house hard to sell to smart buyers. They didn't want to come down on the price at all or fix the problems.

A week later we had our hopes up on a house I had seen 7 months ago. We were told it was still available for-sale-by owner. Well, after many drives up to see the house, making an offer, and getting excited about the possibility of finally finding our home, once again it was a big disappointment. The sellers decided they wanted more for the house after they had it appraised. We didn't financially qualify for that amount and they knew up front how much we could afford ...so needless to say we were broken hearted! I was very disappointed with the WHOLE situation! God saved us is all I can say from being stuck in yet another money pit! Thank You Jesus!

Here we are a few days later making another offer on a house. We found out it has multiple offers and are given till this Thursday to give our best and final offer. We know that God has a house for us and this may or may not be the one. We know we won't go above what the house is worth so we are offering a reasonable offer, not a high offer! We continue to look, exhausted and all!

This house hunting has really tested our nerves, emotions, and relationship! It has emotionally drained me to the point of exhaustion at times! I know persistence is the key and we shall keep moving on till we find our home!

I will post more as soon as we hear more news on the house. In the mean time, I keep searching!

Home Sweet Home

2008-03-02T09:57:00.006-06:00

Where to start again? A lot has happened since my last post. After about a year of house hunting, we have finally found our first house! We hope to close around the end of April if all goes well with the inspection. We are still waiting on the purchase papers to get the water on for inspection!!!! The wait is very frustrating. I have started packing to keep my mind off all the free time I have WAITING for inspection to begin on our first home. The house is only about 3 to 4 years old so we a praying for a clear inspection. It is pretty much in move-in-condition. We will have to buy a refrigerator, stove/oven and eventually a fence. There is a retention pond in the back which is nice. There are fish and ducks out on the pond. Thankfully we are not in a flood zone! The carpet in the living room and master bedroom will need to be replaced also due to Ryan's allergies. We would like to enlarge the master bath some day and make an extra room in the huge attic space. We will also need some type of landscaping. The yard is pretty boring. We are excited to be able to put our wasted money from RENTING to something more permanent! It can't happen fast enough for me though since I am the one at home waiting, WAITING, and WAITING for the days to pass till inspection and then closing. I pray this week we will have INSPECTION! I will update on that later.

I turned 40 last month and still waiting on our second little miracle! We miscarried again this past December but was only 4.8 weeks this time. It is hard not to become hopeful every month that we will see a positive UPT. Those prayer warriors out there, please keep praying for us! Not much more to write.
Have a Blessed month of March!

HELLP in pregnancy

2007-09-20T20:04:00.004-05:00

Here is an encouraging post I found in one of my groups that I belong to. www.hellpsyndrome@yahoogroups.com

Hi all! My name is Dee, I suffered with the Hellp Syndrome back in 1997 it was my first pregnancy and my dr at that time thought I was a hypochondriac because everything hurt and I felt terrible, finally at 24 1/2 weeks I started preterm labor and was hospitalized my bp was 180 over 120 walking - finally got to see the specialists - with severe pre eclampsia, hellp syndrome and an undiagnosed case of lupus. My baby was born at 26 weeks - 1lb 1oz at 1:40 on the first of June measuring 1ft 1 inch I named my son Adam. We had such a hard struggle in the Nicu and I was able to take my baby home after 3 months. He unfortunately passed away at 6 1/2 months from a fatal heart arythmia. My heart was broken as you can all imagine. A few months later I found myself pregnant again and started seeing a specialist right away he told me we would take it day by day, I was on moderate bed rest from week 8 - had to take shots of lovenix and heparin every day. My Michael was born at 37 weeks and he was 5lbs 6ozs. Before Michael turned a year old we moved to Fl and I looked for new dr's NOT that I was planning any more kids but in case, I did want a dr that knew of HELLP and found that there were not that many. One dr offered to give me hysterectomy because I was just lucky to have Michael and should never think of more children, sadly many dr's felt that way. 5 years after being here in FL I got the news I was having another baby. I was so saddened because a lot of the dr's felt I should terminate because they didn't know enough about Hellp and didn't want to try. So I called the local hospitals with level 3 NICU's to see who they would recommend. Met a wonderful dr who in turn wanted to learn everything he could about HELLP syndrome. He got a wonderful team together and thru learning about Hellp with me he was able to diagnose some other patients that he also thought were just hypochondriacs with Hellp. My last baby Nicolas was born on 10/30 weighing a big 6lbs 13ozs. I wanted to share that with those who have been told you can never have another baby after having Hellp the first time. My last pregnancy was very closely monitored and everything turned out great. I thank God and my wonderful dr's all the time! Please feel free to write me!!!!

I found this story very sad but encouraging. I wrote the words below.

Thanks so much Dee for sharing your story. We get much encouragement
hearing how others can go on to deliver a HELLP free baby!

Just this past Tuesday I went to a cardiologist for reoccuring PVC's, light headedness, nausea
and low grade fever. I mentioned that I could possibly be pregnant but that it was too early to test. I told him my history of ITP in 98, having benign PVC's in 2002, diagnosed with sleep apnea in 2002, HELLP with my second pregnancy in 2003, and a miscarriage Aug. 2007. He had no clue what HELLP was so I went on to explain. His comment was "I wouldn't recommend any further pregnancies after having HELLP". He was an older doc probably in his late or early 60's. Given he didn't know anything about HELLP he should have kept that comment to himself! He did mention it more than once during our conversation. I then left to get an EKG and was ordered to come back for a holter monitor and stress test. Everything came back normal.. thank You Jesus!
I have had members of my family even tell me "maybe God is telling you something"... "that maybe you aren't meant to have anymore children". I guess they don't realize how much it hurts to hear those words. I know God put us on this earth to "Be fruitful and multiply". If I am not supposed to have any more children I think I would know it in my heart.

Back in Sept. of 2006, through much praying and with much strength from God, I found the courage to start TTC. I had my IUS removed, my headaches stopped and I felt free from the pain. For the first time since my daughters birth I was sooooo ready to try again. My husband was away most of the days I was fertile so ttc was not in our favor. Finally, in June of 2007 my husband was home for over a month and I found out I was pregnant June 25, 2007. Three days later my mother-in-law passed away. She was fighting colon cancer for many years. The cancer spread to her lungs and liver. She was thrilled to know we were having another child and hopefully helped her pass on happily to heaven!

Anyhow, I miscarried Aug. 1st and again Dec. 16th of 2007. We are both frustrated but hopeful. We would like one more child and pray for another miracle this year!

Blessed hugs to all our moms!

PICTURE ABOVE IS OF MY HUSBAND CUDDLING EMILY'S KITTY. I GAVE THAT KITTY TO HIM BEFORE EMILY WAS BORN 2003...FOR HIM TO GIVE EMILY. EMILY ENJOYED SEEING DADDY HUG HER KITTY.

Tiffany Nicole

Passing of a loved one..

2007-09-20T17:55:00.003-05:00

On June 28th, 2007 my mother-in-law passed away after fighting many years with colon cancer. We only met in person two times in our lives but we kept in touch via phone and e-mails. I met Sande the first time I met Ryan Feb. 23, 2002. She always had a calming and encouraging way about her. I miss not being able to talk to her on the phone and share Emily's daily happenings with her. We miss her very much but know she is in a better place.

Here is our only picture of our little one that we miscarried Aug.1, 2007. I was 8.5 weeks along.

Gently they go,

the beautiful , the tender, the kind;

Quietly they go,

the intelligent, the witty, the brave.

I know. But I do not approve.

And I am not resigned.

Poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay(1900's lyrical poet and playwriter)

Mother’s Pride

She gave me life and nurtured me

When I was like a budding tree.

She showed me what is false and true,

And how to smile when I was blue.

She taught me almost everything

That life would someday bring,

Taught me what was right or wrong,

How to read, to sing a song.

Now she’s with a Shining Star,

Time is running like the tide

And I have wandered very far

With memories of my Mother’s pride.
Poem by Ken and Sandy Parrish

Losing a little one..

2007-08-21T19:35:00.001-05:00

I am posting this message about what I went through during my recent miscarriage. It will be 3 wks. tomorrow since the little one went to heaven. So many thoughts passed my mind and if it wasn't for my faith in God to get me through this loss I still would be in a deep depression. The shock came first, then tears, then denial, then severe loss, then depression, and more uncontrollable tears. I was so very sad. I couldn't see other pregnant mother's, or little ones being held by their moms. Other thoughts that came through during the loss... Did I take too many or the wrong vitamins? Did the stress of losing my mother-in-law affect the embryo? Did the long drive to New York for the wake and the lack of sleep during those 10 days cause this to happen? Was it the pneumonia/bronchitis I had for 2 wks or the medication I took to help(with the Ob doc. permission) me rid my body of the infection attacking my lungs cause the little one to not develop a heart beat? Was it the herbal medication I was taking before I found out I was pregnant? Was it the lack of morning sickness? Tears kept flowing no matter what was racing through my mind... I cried in the shower, watching tv, doing laundry, and seeing the sweet baby boy outfit my mom sent me when we both were thinking I was having a boy. I cried off and on, non-stop at times. I was tired, in pain emotionally, physically and mentally! All this had to happen in order to get through the loss! Ryan was at my side the whole time. God made sure Ryan was on his way home when I found out we were losing our baby. What got me passed the depression and the ability to understand our loss?...many prayers, lots of praying on my part, many hours spent reading online support groups, talking to my family and hearing what others went through during their miscarriage. I have a friend who lost her third baby the day after she delivered. She also lost her first baby and now has a beautiful 3 1/2 year old. I heard her story and what she went through and that helped me to get through the depression.

Losing a little one 8.5 wks was what God knew I could handle given what the little one would have gone through had he/she lived any longer. Ryan and I plan to start trying again soon. God answered another prayer.. to keep Ryan closer to home. Ryan is working about 45 mins. away on a land rig. He will be able to come home most days.. as he will be working the night shift. This is a blessing! I hope to be pregnant in the next few months...can't be soon enough for me! Below is a blog I wrote Aug. 5th. My heart goes out to all mother's! God will see us through and bring us joy in the end!

(August 5th blog) Just wanted to send an update on the pregnancy. I had a miscarriage and lost the little one Aug. 1st. I was in my 8.5 week. This pregnancy was different in that I never had the nausea and I started spotting. With this pregnancy I had very lite brown spotting with some pink on the 12th and it started up again on the 24th. I never soaked a pad, had any cramps or pain. We thought it was normal as most people do experience spotting during what would have been their normal period.(mine would have started the 24th).

There was no heart beat during our first ultrasound(July 30th) and we had another one today(July 31st) so Ryan can see for himself. I had the miscarriage naturally at home and it was very difficult. The whole process took longer than I would have preferred but wanted to be home instead of at a hospital. It took a toll on my nerves and emotions... of course Ryan didn't know what to do with himself or me... with me crying all the time etc.. Having him home to help me and right by my side was all I needed.

Emily stayed at her Aunt Sonja's house which was a blessing. I am not taking all this too well but know all will work out in the end with Gods Help and healing Hands! I am still a bit weak, tired and emotionally drained but every day has been a little bit better! This has probably been one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever had to go through. The first being Emily's delivery and recovery of course. Sharing with everyone that knew of the pregnancy has been hard but necessary.

Ryan and I were so looking forward to this baby. It took me a while to find the courage to have another baby after Emily's premature delivery and my problems with HELLP syndrome. We went to the lab Fri. Aug. 3rd to have blood drawn and to see the doc. Our doctor said we could start trying after my next normal cycle. With Ryan working for 3 to 4 weeks at a time away from home and knowing I will be 40 next February we really need to pray for a miracle to happen soon. Thanks for reading. Many Prayers our way will be appreciated. --

Love to all. Tiffany Nicole

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-17T15:13:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day Dad!

Parrish Family-1970

Ryans' Daddy's

Ernie Bodo

Dana Drake (Bottom photo)

Happy Father's Day Richard Orth(below)

This was Ryan's first Father's Day spent with his family in such a long time. We will end our day at Philip & Trudy Bilisoly's house for a Father's Day dinner.

Ryan has been home almost 3 weeks! It has been a blessing but hard on our pocket books. He has spent most of his days and some late nights working on all our cars.

We did get to swim, workout at the YMCA and visit the Animal Planet Expo. On Ryan's first full day home we went out to eat at Bone Fish. It was the best place we have eaten so far! This was out late Mother's Day/ Father's Day treat to one another.

We were also able to spend our anniversary together on June 14th. I gave Ryan a set of Planet Earth DVD's. These DVD's show increadible views of our beautiful & fascinating world that God created! I would recommend them to all!

Happy Father's Day to all Dad's.

Happy Father's Day to OUR Father In Heaven!

Love to all! Tiffany Nicole

Mother's Day and HUGS!

2007-05-12T20:38:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom, Sandy Parrish and Ryan's Mom, Sande Orthe. "He will keep you strong to the end" ...1Corintians 1:8 We love you both!

Happy Mother's Day to all!

HPC had many inspirational messages and gifts to all moms and widows today in church. Pastor Dino had me laughing through out the messages and crying toward the end. There were women handing out flyers and bracelets as you entered church. The church was packed but I managed to find two seats close to where I usually sit. Pastor Dino shared verses and clips of songs that pertained to the words.. "Momma said"...you know like... "Momma said there'd be days like this..." I sat alone as I usually do in church since Ryan is away at work. This time I couldn't help but feel a little down when pastor asked all moms to stand and then asked their loved ones to hug their wives and moms. I longed to have Ryan there hugging me... Then someone placed their hand on my back and I lost it!!!!!! Tears that I was holding in just poured down my face...

HUGS ARE...

There's something in a simple hug,
That always warms the heart,
It welcomes us back home,
and makes it easier to part.

A hug's a way to share the joy,
and sad times we go through,
or just a way for mothers to say,
they like you 'cause you're you.

Hugs are meant for anyone,
for whom we really care,
from your mother to your grandma to your neighbor,
or a cuddly bear.

A hug is an amazing thing,
it's just the perfect way,
to show the love we're feeling,
but can't find the words to say.

It's funny how a little hug,
makes everyone feel good,
in every place and language,
it's always understood.

And hugs don't need new equipment,
special batteries or parts,
just open up your arms,
and open up your hearts!
Source is Unknown

Here are some of my favorite verses from Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever if noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Remember to be FREE (by Pastor Dino)

Focus on the word
Restore prayer
Enlist in a life group
Extend out to others

Love to all moms!

Tiffany Nicole

Temps, Roller Coaster, Thankful

2007-04-24T22:53:00.000-05:00

Tues. 4/24/07 Quick update on Emily. She is still running a low temp but has been with out tylenol for a day now. The highest it went today was 102.9 right before nap. She woke up very wet with sweat during todays nap so I think this fight is almost done! AMEN! We did manage to leave the apartment to get some groceries before she started to feel really tired.
Wed. 4/25/07 Wow.. fever finally gone.. Thank You Jesus. Emily is feeling tons better today! Even though she still has that on and off coughing it hasn't stop her from having fun. She has her energy batteries on also...lol. Her appetite has kicked in big time. I am relieved to see our happy, energetic little girl once again!

Now that Emily is doing better, I on the other hand was going though an Emotional Rollercoaster most of the day today. You know.. when you cry very easily or feel emotional about almost everything, when you just can't discribe what is going on or understand.. .when you ask yourself repeatedly...What is going on here?...why do I feel so strange?...why do I feel like I am going out of my mind?.. Could it be the late nights not being able to sleep? the pressure to find us a home? the fear of the unknow? the longing to have my husband home? the guilt of turning down an offer to work? the uncomfortable vehicle I dread to drive on hot days?(ac not working for over a year now), the dead van that has been sitting for over a month.... the dental appointment I am avoiding that I need to make? the never ending laundry... the clutter... rediculous ha!... pity party time! .... confusion... none the less... all I know to do is get on my knees and pray... PRAY!... to be back to my normal self tomorrow!... PRAY that all will turn out fine... PRAY for clarity.. PRAY for peace of mind.. PRAY to remove all the mind binding thoughts..... In JESUS NAME.. AMEN!! After dinner, that is exactly what I did.. and now as I type I feel a relief! Maybe the relief came from sharing what I was feeling but I think the relief came earlier when God lifted me up and held me while I prayed.

I have envisioned OUR Fathers arms around me, comforting me quite a bit the last few months. The feeling is powerful, loving, warm and peaceful. I am thankful I don't have these rollercoaster moments everyday. I am thankful to have such a loving God. Knowing He is there for US when ever we need him and there for US when we don't have our love ones to turn to.... He is an Awesome God!! .... I love that song.....Our God is an Awesome God.. he lives from heaven above... with Wisdom, Power and Love.. Our God is an Awesome God! (I hope those are the right words to the song.. haven't heard it in a while).
(Ignore the date posted on the picture above.. this was taken Easter 2007)
I had a visit from my sister Sonja today. Emily must have overheard me talking to Sonja when she called. I didn't tell Emily that Jonah was coming over but she knew something was up. As soon as I hung up the phone she kept asking me, every few minutes, "Are they here yet?". It was nice seeing a familiar and happy face on a morning I wasn't quite myself! Thank YOU sis for taking time out of your morning to visit... even if you were just in the neighborhood! Also, Thank you for all the times you have offered to help with the house hunting this week...even though I haven't taken you up on your offer(just yet), I do appreciate your help and encouragement!

I will retire tonight and read from the book of Hebrews. Blessings to all. -"The Lord is my helper, I will not fear...." Hebrews 13:5-6

Fun, Fever and Rosacea?

2007-04-23T21:37:00.000-05:00

Had an interesting weekend. I watched two brothers age 7 and 2 1/2 all day Saturday and Sunday. Saturday went very well.. the kids kept busy playing with a water table, water guns, magnetic fishing rod, playdough, leggos, and trains. It was nice seeing Emily have fun with the boys. At the end of the day she called them her brothers. She even hugged the youngest more than once. She ask if the little boy was her brother. (Ignore the date on the photos.. haven't updated it)
I took the kids to church Saturday for the 5 pm Healing Place church. They seemed to have a great time. The youngest child wasn't too happy to be in an unfamiliar place but that didn't last too long. He spotted(with my suggestion) some cars on a table and large trucks to play with.. he was soon off ready to explore. I then took the oldest child to his class. I had the pleasure of visiting the up stairs where the older kids hang out. I had never been up there before. It is set up much like a theather. You have to check in at the ticket booth, they give you a ticket-like paper to keep and bring back when you pick up your child after church. I peeked in the theater area and the set up was awesome. The children looked like they were having fun... almost wanted to stay myself.
I missed most of the praise and worship but found a great seat next to the babies being dedicated that night. Seeing the babies reminded me once again how much I wanted to hold a little one in my arms and how much Emily wants a little brother.
We ended the day eating chinese at the HPC church playground.
Sunday was not as exciting, the boys were not in the best of moods when dropped off but that didn't last too long. They did manage to play a bit outdoors with chalk, a tunnel I bought Emily for Christmas and some ball play. After a half hour, everyone seemed a bit tired including my daughter. No one wanted much lunch and were ready for nap early. The oldest even wanted to rest on the floor cushions. He watched some old disney movies. After putting the youngest down for nap, I heard Emily moaning and crying a bit. I felt her neck and it was very hot. Seems she started running a 102.5 temp. She couldn't sleep and just tossed and turned. I gave her a bath, water and tried to keep her comfortable. It brought her temp down for a few hours. Later that afternoon she found energy to play with the boys but that soon wore off when they left at 6:20. Her temp went as high as 103.2 around 6:30 that night.
Today was spent taking temps, folding laundry, holding and comforting Emily. Her temp went as high as 103.5 today. I didn't give her any tylenol till it the temp reached 103. I believe in letting her body fight off what is causing the fever before giving her anything. Emily ate very little today. She found energy to play a little bit with her water table and playdough. Most of the time she rested, watched her shows, and colored in her no mess coloring book. She came up to me more than ever for hugs, kisses and to tell me she needed to rest. What a sweet girl she has become. I will post a few pictures I took of the children at play tomorrow.

Now to change the subject....
I have become very sensitive to the sun especially during the winter and hot summer days. I have been battling rosacea for more than a few years now. When it acts up I have to stay out of the sun and heat. I know there could be worse things to complain about but it does make it hard to get out and enjoy a walk or time at the park with out suffering consequences afterwards. One day out in the sun last week left me with bumps and never ending itchiness to my face this week. Oh the rosey red, slapped in the face cheeks make you feeling like your face is on fire! I have done some reading on the matter and pretty much everything can irritate my face or trigger a break out..even foods. I have seen the dermatologist more than once but they just prescribe something that makes my face more sensitive and could cause defects if trying to get pregnant... so they are a no no. Anyhow, I am rambling once again and complaining too much for my own good. If anyone out there knows a good remedy for rosacea, send me an e-mail. I will close for now. Happy Birthday to my mother-in-law Sande! Have a too Blessed to be stressed week! I will try to do the same.

Tiffany Nicole

Reminiscing

2007-04-17T20:38:00.000-05:00

My husband Ryan and I have been knowning one another almost 6 years now. He is from Long Island, New York. He moved to Louisiana almost 12 years ago to live with his Grandma Norma. She lived in Abbeville, Louisiana. We met online Nov. 2001 on kiss.com and met in person February 23, 2002. I found out this Christmas that through Jesus, Ryan's grandmother(unknowingly) made it possible for Ryan and I to meet in person. While Ryan's mom and her husband Richard were visiting from out of state, Grandma Norma asked if everyone wanted to go for a ride and visit the small town of Natchitoches, Louisiana. I was living there with my daughter Evanna almost 3 years. Ryan then mentioned he knew someone from Natchitoches and would like to see if she wanted to meet. My mom was in town for my birthday(Feb. 21st). I got the call and we made plans to meet down town by front street. I don't remember all that went on that day only that I was recovering from a sore throat and upper respiratory infection. I remember being slightly nervous while my mother and I drove to front street. I wouldn't recommend meeting anyone in person with out someone there as a look out. Anyhow, I walked along the water where the ducks were gathering. I tried not to look too anxious. Along came a good looking, dark haired guy wearing a blue jean jacket. I wasn't sure it was him until he came closer. We said hello and exchanged hugs.( at least I think we did). He mentioned his family was at a restaurant nearby. My mom and I walked to the front street restaurant. I can't remember the name of the restaurant. Ryan's family was all gathered around sipping coffee and eating treats. They welcomed us to the table and introduced themselves. I had the privilege of meeting Ryan's mom and her husband, and his grandma. We talked for a while then went walking around to the nearby shops. Ryan and I didn't get to talk much that day. We did meet up again and started seeing one another from then on.

In the five and a half years we have know each other, we have been through a life time of challenges. God has and continues to work wonders on our relationship. We grow stronger in our faith, love, and communication each and every time we are together. I pray one day Ryan will work closer to home and that we will remarry in a church and have the honeymoon we never had.

Ryan has been working offshore as a Mud Logger since Emily was born in 2003. He can be gone as long as 3 months. This hasn't been easy on either one of us. We talk everyday either on the phone or using yahoo instant messenger. As Emily gets older she also seems to miss her daddy very much while he is away. Emily looks forward to welcoming daddy home and almost immediately craves his attention.

We are once again trying for another little one. I will be 40 next year and am ready to have one more child. I wasn't ready mentally or physically a year ago and may not really be ready physically. Emily's delivery left me with a vertical scar on my uterus that will make it impossible or unsafe to go into labor. I had so many complications before and especially after the delivery that I know God was looking out for me. I had HELLP syndrome, high sugar, high blood pressure and my kidneys were working overtime. I was in the hospital 2weeks fighting for my life while Emily was in the NICU almost two month fighting to survive her prematurity. This was the reason why I waited this long to try and conceiving again. I have talked to Emily about having another brother or sister. She seems to think we will have a boy cause she asks me when her brother will be here. I pray this time next year we will have a small bundle of joy in our arms once again. I pray for an uncomplicated pregnancy, delivery and recovery!... in Jesus name Amen.

Ryan and I turned in our 6 month rental agreement and have started the long and drawn out process of searching for a home to buy. I did the pre-qualifying mortgage over the phone and now have an idea what kind of house we can afford. If there are any of you out there that have advice on home buying please send me an e-mail or post. We can use all the help. With Ryan away at work, I am going at this alone... with Gods' guidance. I will close for now. Continue to have a Blessed week! Tiffany Nicole

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement gives you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

( Romans 15:5 ).

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ( Romans 15:13 )

Never give up...Seek Jesus First!

2007-04-17T00:32:00.000-05:00

Here I am up very late once again. I am over tired and excited at the same time. I want to correct my first blog concerning my youngest daughters birthweight. Emily was 2lbs 8oz at birth and 4lbs 11oz when we took her home. She is fun, loving, singing all the time and a real blessing to be around.

Evanna was also my little blessing 18 years ago and will always be. I do regret that I wasn't a stay-at-home mom while she grew up. I chose the childcare field so I could have Evanna nearby. This worked out best for the both of us once I became a single mom.

Evanna is going to college and working part time. She is an extremely talented artist. She has been attending a Catholic church for over a year now. I felt blessed to see her get Baptized last weekend. That was a big step for her! She looked so peaceful up there in front of everyone. I haven't felt that much joy for her since her high school graduation. Ok, getting teary eyed once again. I want to share a verse I found in 1Peter 8-9 that I wrote in my daughter Baptism card.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.(1Peter 8-9)

This verse came to me as I was flipping through the Bible trying to find an inspiring message. I gave Evanna a few other verses I found inspiring and printed out the pictures shown above and gave them to her.

I think back now and realizing how selfish I was about not sharing Our Father with Evanna. I always kept it a personal thing. I always prayed and talk to God as I raised Evanna but I prayed in silence, at the end of the day, or after having a power struggle with her. I can still remember my prayers. I would usually say the usual prayer followed by my tearful prayers.. Thank you God for this day...please keep my daughter and I free from illness... watch over Evanna as she grows up, let her stay healthy and strong.. Jesus Name AMEN. Then there were those days that I prayed for strength and patience while trying to raise Evanna on my own. I would pray, cry and beg God to ...Please help me to be a better mother, please help me to have patience... Please show me a better way to make her listen and understand, Jesus please let us have a better day tomorrow, forgive me for being so quick to punish, forgive me for not having the patience I so desperately needed today... Lord Jesus why do I feel so guilty spanking or putting her in time out, Why does Evanna have to be so stubborn etc... I still remember those struggles I had raising Evanna but now realize that I was the reason for the struggles. I was struggling with Evanna because I wasn't really trusting in the Lord. I truly wasn't leaning on Him to show me that I needed to be consistent with disciplining her, that I was wishy washy....that I was not very understanding or loving all the time.... that I was selfish... that I gave in.. that I gave up too soon... that I rejected her at times... that I didn't show her attention and affection when she needed it so badly....that I would shower her with gifts thinking that would show her how much I love her.... that I only made ME feel better not her.... that I was afraid to be too tough on her... that I wanted her to love me... that I didn't want her to reject me.. How selfish and child like does that sound? How rediculous it was trying to find happiness in my child and our relationship when I wasn't totally seeking happiness from Our Father first. As I read, pray, and sing to Our Father...Today and everyday, Jesus is showing me how to be a better person, to be a loving and unselfish wife, mother and friend. I know that everyday is another chance for to me to be more loving, understanding and affectionate mother to Evanna and Emily. I know Now that all things are possible through Jesus!

I was never the type to pray out loud or even speak about Jesus our Savior. I would only share the written word in cards or letters. I still am working on praying out loud. I did have books available for Evanna to read based on scripture and gave her a childrens interactive Bible. It had activities and we read together once in a while. I know my love for Jesus didn't shine so much in our lives back then but He was still present in my heart, tugging and pulling me into understand HIS way. He has touched Evanna in such a way that in my heart He tells me... "you didn't know any other way"... "you have been forgiven"... AMEN!

Evanna if you are reading this, you were the best thing to happen to me! I always wanted to have a child but never realized until later that I was still a child myself when you were born. I don't regret having you in my life, not ever. One of the hardest things I had to do was let you go... Let you live away from me... The painful feeling of not having you home everynight surpasses all the pain I went through (or thought I was going through) raising you. I know it was the best thing for you to move but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do! Even though we live in the same city, you are missed daily. For all those times I didn't hug you or show how much I loved you.. please forgive me... for I didn't know any better! I love you and am very proud to be your mother. Jesus loves you and has always looked after you... never search for happiness in others... you will always be disappointed... seek Jesus first! Here is a verse that answers why I struggled so much raising you..... Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5).

I pray those of you out there needing guidance, love, understanding and answers to seek our Father, Lord Jesus our Savior for all those needs FIRST!....

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life. (Proverbs 4:13)

I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.(Proverbs 8:17)

I just read this message from my Women's Devotional Bible(NIV) on "Never giving up". This comes from the last paragraph written by Mary C. Crowley on page 1392. "We mustn't give up! We might be the one to communicate hope to someone else, maybe by a gesture, maybe without words. We must love and pray and hold one another up." -Mary C Crowley

Sweet Sleep to all... Tiffany Nicole

My thoughts..Keeping lists, journals, calendars,writing everything down.

2007-04-15T22:20:00.000-05:00

I am new to the blogging world as of today. I am not a writer in the least bit and some will have to keep an open mind while attempting to read over all my run on sentences, writing ERRORS, and MISSPELLED words!

I do like to write everything down including but not limited to; things to do today, things to buy, places to see, people to call, bills to pay, books to read, movies to see, web sites to visit, items to list on ebay etc. Sure is easier than making a mental note... now that can be challenging for me. I have always found comfort in writing down lists of what needs to be done the night before or the same morning. This is my way of organizing my thoughts, being in control sort of speak. I know in my heart only God is in control but sure helps to keep a list of any thing that I may forget to do or want to do. So much for being spontaneous. I have a difficult time doing things with out preparation. My humorous but fun loving husband is the opposite in that he is very spontaneous yet predictable at the same time. As we attempt to carry on our life we do and will stumble over our differences but Our Savior is always there to pick us up.. well.. that is if WE let him.....Thank You Jesus!

Why did I start rambling on this topic.. well there is sooo much I want to do and see on this earth that I can't keep up with all the going on's in this busy world with out keeping some sort of journal, calendar, and or list. You should see my apartment, I have a calendar in every room with things I need to do, places I need to be, and a record of things I have done or things going on in my family's life. Keeping a journal, calendar or list has been my way of organizing my life. I try not to get too caught up in it.

I will attempt to change the subject. I am eager to keep busy as I do have a lot of down time in my life right now. Starting this Blog was another way to keep busy.

I have been a stay-at-home mom going on 3 1/2 years now. I should mention that I was also a single mom for 11 years before meeting my second husband. I have two awesome daughters. Evanna is 18 and Emily almost 4. Staying home was not my choice but was a must after the birth of my second daughter. She was only 2 lbs 11 oz at birth. She remained in the hospital for almost 2 months. I on the other hand was in the hospital 2 weeks. Emily weighed 4lbs 11oz when we brought her home. She was so precious and tiny. I will posts some pictures later as I attempt to relive the moments following her days into this world.

It is late and now that I have written my wondering thoughts down I will stop to pray for some guidence. PAUSE............Well, my prayer was to find the courage to keeps writing about what ever and not worrying so much about how it sounds to others. Life is too short and too Blessed to worry over the unknown. To those who did read this post BE BLESSED and remember "There is a time for everything"- Ecclesiastes 3:1 ... this verse inspired me to blog so I put it as my bloggers title. Enjoy your week...

Tiffany Nicole